I love "The Simpsons," but I haven't really watched it for at least ten years. Is there any "Simpsons" fan who is able to use or recognize a reference from that show that isn't from eleven or twelve seasons ago (at least)? I think the show is still worthwhile, relative to other current TV shows, but it's definitely…

Well, if you have a Lego replica of your wife, you can always rearrange the bricks into someone new after things go sour. Add a dash of Vulva perfume, and you're all set.

Where's Zack? I heard he's a Lego maniac.

As an angry young man myself, I find more catharsis in a musician like Graham Parker than Elvis Costello, even counting the early albums, but I love every aspect of Costello's catalog, including the pop-crooner stuff (which, if you really think about it, might actually outweigh his "edgy" rock-and-roll material). I'm…

Wow. That's one of the funniest, most disturbing comments I've ever read here. Bee Cambric, you are as genuinely frightening as you are amusing. Should I imagine your comment spoken in a drunken slur or some kind of stereotypical accent?

That would just be a further extension of the metaphor. Like, you'd step on a Lego and say, "Ow! What the fuck? Oh, yeah: a scattered fragment of delusive happiness. The joy of meeting was a fleeting thing, but the pain of parting will never go away."

I imagine it would be satisfying, if your marriage should fall apart, to have a Lego effigy of it to beat apart with a baseball bat, thousands of tiny plastic bricks raining on a hardwood floor.

L'ego
What's the turnaround time on the life-size Lego sculpture? I mean, $60,000 is a nice yearly income, so I find it bizarrely comforting to think about the artist managing to get *one* commission to make such a piece (a genuine probability) and being set for the year, paying his bills and enjoying his life while…

I just appreciate it when an artist enjoys the experience of a performance as much as the audience, and that's what makes David Byrne such a great showman. I knew that he'd done it for every other concert in his current tour, but when the house lights came up and he broke the show's format to play "Burning Down the…

I think the new album is excellent, in a modest but refreshingly big-hearted way. I saw Byrne live a little over a month ago and was amazed. I had been planning to see a midnight showing of "Stop Making Sense" a few days later at the same theater as the concert, but the energy level of the live show was so…

The actual interview
was for Mojo and can be read here:

My wife's ex-husband was the only person she'd been in a relationship with before she met me, so she hardly qualifies as a "skank." And I'd never been with anyone before my wife, so I'm not exactly a "scumbag." At any rate, I don't feel the need to be defensive — those are just particularly distasteful-sounding…

Yes. Didn't you read about that woman who was garroted by a guitar string that Christmas?

Here's one of my favorite Christmas memories:

Christmas rape is okay. I also like the Christmas lynchin' in "The Night of the Hunter."

I'm not gay. My friend triple-dog-dares me to have oral and anal sex with him. Yes, it's been every night for the past eleven years, but what am I supposed to do, wimp out on a triple-dog dare?

Nobody in my life seems to understand why I hate the holiday so much, but I can't remember a single Christmas when I wasn't broke and desperate. Plus, most of us are surrounded by life-destroying freezing weather.

When I was a kid, there was a rumor that another kid got his tongue frozen to a metal pole, and that, out of eventual desperation, he had one of his buddies urinate on his tongue in order to get it unstuck.

Not on Christmas
Let us not forget:

Last Hanukkah, I gave you my appendix, both of my tonsils, my gall bladder, a kidney, my tailbone, and a couple of wisdom teeth. I suppose I could have spared part of my liver, but it was the best I could do.