Hey, why does Walmart have the chloroform, rope, duct tape and zip ties all in the same aisle?  It's like they're practically begging you to get into trouble!

I'm sorry Colonel, you can't just go around asking kids that question.  There have been some complaints.

My parents were wrong?  You mean I couldn't achieve anything I wanted if I just put my mind to it?  Whew!  That's a relief!

I thought he went to Yardale and had a 4.0 average?

West Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!!

OK, now I'm picturing every other commenter here looking like this kid.  I looked nothing like him, what with my ripped abs, witty demeanor and crushing self-delusion.

Now it would be a Wikipedia collective, just arguing incessantly about minutia. 

Yeah, the wind resistance messes it all up.  It's like having an anti-pleasure parachute attached to your arm.   At least that's what Jackbeard the pirate used to say.

I got a slo-mo penis notification for this?

My parents let me out of the dryer for like an hour a day, so I never felt "trapped".

Joel Edgerton is Michael Shannon's daughter???

If he gets upset you'd better…

Kids these days have no appreciation for mustache rides.  It's a full beard or nothing!

Dan, we're right here.  Please stop shouting.  Remember, you promised you'd use your "indoor" commenter voice?

Monsanto?

It has nothing to do with feeling sorry for him.  I don't see where he's saying "woe is me", he's just expressing an opinion.

@avclub-e1124c85b8750ec73766ed905c3ff2b2:disqus :  I see your "meh" and raise you a "whatever".  I agree with Archemage - it's refreshing to see someone who's clearly a major star who seems to have no interest in the sycophantic, self-mythologizing reach-around ouroboros that is the endless marketing junket of the…

Excellent point, Archemage.

My "life's work" fan fiction:  Jar Jar and C3PO Are Slowly Beaten To Death Using Young 'Ani' As the Club.

Hollywood products make Harrison feel:  [picture of frowny face]
ComiCon makes Harrison feel: [picture of alligator]