You are the worst person in the world and nobody loves you.

I drive a 2000 Civic with over 330,000 km on it. My mechanic seems to think I can easily get another couple hundred thousand clicks out of it before it’s time to scrap it.

Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man!

Y’know, on normal things my parents were pretty laid-back but my mom had (and still has) zero perspective regarding some of her weird little particularities. I remember another occasion when I got more or less the same response because I was making a sandwich to bring to school or work or wherever I was going and I…

I don’t know why I know this but I think it has something to do with like, a deck of Juggalo tarot card type things. I’m pretty sure there’s some kind of ICP joker card mythology thing that presumably all juggalos know about… so, maybe it’s like an astrological sign?

Also, you’ll want to ensure that you’re the largest in your group of friends so that you can simply eat the other friends if things aren’t going your way.

Off-topic, but once in my teen years my mom walked in on me doing a crossword puzzle with a pen (yeah, I was a pretty cool teenager) and she flipped the fuck out about the hubris of such an act. I believe the phrase “I thought we raised you better than this!” was unironically uttered at one point in her harangue.

May not be quite so random – if I’m not mistaken, this gimmick originated shortly after an unfavourable Avenged Sevenfold review brought droves of semi-literate A7X fans onto the site vowing vengeance (seven times over, even!) for this transgression.

Dey turk er jerbs! Oh, yes they did! Didn’t you turk er widdle jerbs?

Wow, I consider myself a connoisseur of terrible Canadian pop music and even I forgot all about Liberty Silver (I don’t think I ever knew her name but I know who you’re talking about in that video – which I haven’t seen in probably 20 years, but is playing in my mind right now).

We are NOT better than this and you know it!

Well, its a dirty job but someones gotta do it…

Try watching the Northern Lights “Tears Are Not Enough” video. I’ll give a shiny new Like to anyone who can name somebody other than Bryan Adams, Geddy Lee, Neil Young or Joni Mitchell in there.

Ah yes, the dulcet tones of Véronique Béliveau

A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!

I’m surprised they didn’t mention my favourite Jackson, Luscious.

I don’t know if that’s a bright side. Some other dude's getting paid for that crap but he’s giving it away for free.

Yeah, I’m willing to forgive Billy Corgan for a lot of his assbaggery based entirely on his appearance here. And Gish. And Siamese Dream.

Food goes in here <——

I don't use the word "hero" very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history.