I really miss Cracked. I used to read it all the time until my company's internet filter deemed it "Tasteless".

I'm pretty sure I tried that at one point too. It's basically just a bigger zucchini, right?

@avclub-16db446cafb1ffb1466e71eaf97a4f49:disqus I'm imagining that you cooked a big enough lasagna that every meal since Christmas has been another big slab and two weeks later you've finally cleared the trough. OK, on to the pumpkin pie!

Something pissed me off yesterday and I (sadly) thought to myself "I can't wait to bitch about that tomorrow!" but now I can't even remember what it was. So, uh… fuck my shitty memory.

Something pissed me off yesterday and I (sadly) thought to myself "I can't wait to bitch about that tomorrow!" but now I can't even remember what it was. So, uh… fuck my shitty memory.

I have no advice for you (I still have a shitty tube TV and use the built-in speakers) but thank you for considering your neighbours.

This is why most of us don't bother reading these things anymore and just cut right to the navel-gazing commentary.

For me, it's anything to do with fingers…. George Clooney having his nails pulled out in "Syriana", one of the characters in "Bound" being threatened with bolt cutters (I don't know if it even ended in finger-severing because I had to leave the room) and even Trey Parker (or was it Matt Stone?) in Baseketball cutting…

How does someone make the leap from "I'm scared of dentists and own a pair of pliers" to "I'm going to perform oral surgery on myself, something that qualified professionals attend 10 years of post-secondary education to perform, in my fucking garage"?

The half-assed dentist used to do the whole thing (basically, she and one of her assistants who were all middle-aged ladies, would sit across from each other with their hands in my mouth and gab away about whatever they watched on TV the night before or the adorable things their grandkids did), but the new guy has his…

I remember looking this up around last Halloween:

I remember looking this up around last Halloween:

I used to have that dream all the time in high school – I read somewhere years later that it was connected to sexual frustration which sounds about right when applied to my high school years, so yeah…

There's a dentist near where I used to live named Dr. Ok.

I used to go to a totally half-assed dentist who'd just basically wave the cleaning tools in my general direction and tell me everything looked fine so I never had any problem with the dentist.

I went to a team of three brothers who were orthodontists (two of them were twins!) and their office was fully stocked with hot dental assistants – and one crabby middle-aged dental assistant. Guess which one always seemed to end up working on my teeth?

I don't think any woman ever wants to hear that she reminds you of Kevin McDonald.

{}

She's the "Dancey Dance Friend" on an episode of one of my kid's Yo Gabba Gabba DVDs and she's actually pretty foxy in that one segment.

Oh man, I was hoping for some Dratch beating up midgets stories.