So it was the dreaded "petrified" dogshit.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Downvoted.

Not when you're a Broncos fan!

I've met him and seen his behavior. Dude's a drunk.

Please don't disparage shit in such a manner.

More of a ding than a dong, really.

What kind of adult says "ewww." That's both funny and sad.

I'm not religious, but this is much better than the church music I had to listen to growing up.

I think these are the same people that didn't realize Colbert was a character.

If a drink is composed solely of liquor, it should be stirred. If it has citrus it should be shaken. Of course, to each their own, but a shaken Manhattan is not remotely the same as a properly stirred one.

Amateur. You need to ask for the Double McWanky.

I think corporate naming is generally stupid, but they fucking nailed it with The Baconator.

Sadly, this hypothetical tweet would have received more attention than any inappropriate comment from the next President of the US

I've met Jacques before, he's pretty damn chill and very friendly.

"I like Easter eggs that aren't found."

Sacrilicious.

Holy shit. I can't wait to see Trump attempt to throw a pitch and have 40,000 people laugh at him. God, I don't believe in you, but please let this happen.

Only several? You're way behind pace.

Is that the Onion article that was taken as real news? I don't mean to be dismissive, but there's a large portion of this country that is just too fucking stupid for me to consider fellow human beings.