Internet? Bah, in my day we had the Republic of Letters and we liked it!

If someone was paying me $7 million to pretend to be Captain America, I'd thank my lucky stars and try to never, ever rock the boat. I would also retire from acting generally and only be in movies where I can play Captain America. And I would insist everyone, on and off set, call me Cap, and would eventually run for…

If I was an actor, I'd have a crippling amphetamine addiction causing no small amount of psychosis. Oh, wait: I already do! Success!

"Studies on nasal use of snuff did not provide conclusive evidence of a relationship with cancer," WHO, IARC Monographs on the Evaluation of Carcinogenic Risks to Humans, Volume 89, Smokeless Tobacco and Some Tobacco-specific, 2007.

Imagi… Wha? Is that like when you're watching one TV show and thinking about another?

You want to have fun? Go to a politically-themed subreddit and make a post that, while agreeing as much as humanly possible with the ideological or political stances of the respective subreddit, subtly distinguishes certain areas in said political ideology that could possibly be tweaked or rethought. People on the…

In the original Latin they are "evolvus" and "evolva." You can tell which one refers to ladies because it has "vulva" in it.

Have they started doing those "Teens React To" videos with books yet? Because if the Amazon review section is any indication, even Hemingway had too vast a vocabulary for today's future citizens, who apparently have never heard of a dictionary, either.

Descent was the game that made the world puke.

I don't think Lin-Manuel Miranda has any strengths. I assumed when Hamilton first got big that it was due to the kitsch factor; after all, how could a musical about rapping founding fathers which sounds like it was written by a nerdy 6th grader be taken seriously? Then I remembered that it's 2016 and the whole fucking…

Some people, for whatever reason, seem to find it comforting that there are "naturally" evil people in the world. I guess it goes along with the whole "just world hypothesis." Or maybe it disturbs people to think that they themselves are just one bad day away from cracking and becoming the Ted Kaczynkski or, heaven…

No, they've been opposed to democracy since the Brexit. The election just sealed it for them. (That said, I'm all for ridding the nation of the EC, but the overall electoral system needs to be changed with it. The kinds of shenanigans politicians would get up to in this same system but where only the national popular…

Because inertia. That is all.

I'd Iron that Throne!

An acquaintance of mine wore a jokey Trump shirt on the Metrolink ("Make America Great Britain Again" or some such mild punny fun—he's European, give him a break). Anyway, functional illiteracy is apparently a big problem in this country, because he was more than once verbally assaulted by people who mistook it for an…

They call that the Austin Powers Principle. It rarely ever holds true, though.

Blue face is racist, man.

To be fair, academia is awash in pseudoscience these days, although economics does seem to be ground zero (along with psychology). Everyone wants to lay claim to absolute truth, but the irony is that the more they clamber to prove themselves "real scientists"—despite utilizing methodology that is far from…

It used to be that the human brain was like a clock. Then it was a steam engine. Now it's a computer. What if—and I'm just spitballing here—human thought can't be reduced to such relatively simplistic mechanical processes? Maybe a brain is just a brain, and people should stop reifying metaphors. No, that's crazy;…

Trump will be played by Jared Leto, who will send dead pigs to his costar, Louie Anderson (who will be playing Hillary, because in the future, all Caucasian female parts over the age of sixty will be played by Louie Anderson). Jim Gaffigan will be playing a dual role as both Mike Pence and Tim Kaine, because who the…