Philip Glass did a Dracula score? This I will have to find.

They need to be colorized, too. —Ted Turner

How do you watch something ironically?

Depressed 30 year old women? Count me in!

God, that's so embarrassing… I'm a fucking agnostic, you know? I never said I was God's son. How can God have a son? He's a concept, not a person. Oy, these gentiles.

My sister had the biggest crush on JTT. Now that I think about it, we should have seen the statutory rape charges coming a mile away…

My family has always been too busy not talking to each other to do that.

The Aristocrats!

My penis, on the other hand, does not.

Oh God, the schizophrenia's coming back!

You'd never see a heroin addict debase himself like that!
We… err, they just fall asleep on the sidewalk.

Now when will we be getting that sweet Cosby Show revival?

That happens every day in New York.

Hey, I saw that fat fuck give his paycheck to an orphan yesterday!

I'm a bit busy trying to get this welcome back party going for Countess Olenska. Just put my name on the card, will you?

Or the high number who aren't.

I've met quite a few right-wing truthers—probably more than I have left-wing ones. Unless Alex Jones and the Libertarian Party suddenly qualify as left-wing.

I'm not sure there is anything that can be done legally to prevent them from doing this in the future, either. Since Walmart is a corporation, the worst the government can do (if it was inclined to in the first place, which it is not) is fine them. And the amount of money Walmart rakes in from abusing their employees…

Can we stop saying "Star Wars Scholar," please? It's a phrase so outrageously pretentious that it makes my eyes bleed.

I think more Americans are of Irish, German, and Italian descent these days. I mean, the Supreme Court has got six Catholics and no protestants. How the hell does that happen?