There will be no musical miscegenation in my America!

Cultural appropriation is merely a subordinate expression of liminal anxiety—namely that between two ethnospheres, one "native" and the other "alternative." It is only when this appropriation takes on an element of reification that it becomes damaging. By treating the alternative culture as mere commodity, the…

Elvis's music was more of a combination of African-American and white music, wasn't it? I mean, there's an awful lot of gospel and country mixing with the blues in his music. (Of course, country music was mostly borrowed from the Mexicans, but we'll ignore that.) Now, the Beach Boys—those motherfuckers were outright…

Them and the Swiss. Those dirty, rotten Calvinists, with their four languages and not starting wars with other countries. How dare they!

What if your eating bleu cheese? I think mold is a very appropriate topic for discussion in that case.

Weren't the Germans already in pretty much full retreat by D-Day? While they could certainly kill a lot of Russians (nobody's doubting that), I find it really hard to believe that the Nazi's could have ever conquered the USSR. And part of that is very much due to Stalin's actions—such as moving industry eastwards, a…

Darth Vader: Moping.

Steve Jobs is a hero? Oh, wait: AMERICAN hero. That means he made a lot of money and generally acted like an ass to everyone.

Probably not. I've been literally giving the stuff away for years, and it's gotten me nowhere. Cost me money, really, when you factor in the paternity suits and sexual assault trials.

My sorcerer is at 19. Almost at those sweet epic-level feats. So close.

Why not Quebec? They don't speak English, it's not the United States, and I highly doubt that Mexican drug cartels or white trash biker gangs would think to look for him there. Plus, French-Canadians are like French people but friendlier. I smell a spinoff…

The Eagles: Tame and Polite Tour 2015!

Satire originates with the Greek Satyr Play, a genre designed specifically to upend and mock social conventions through bawdy humor, and while there is a strong argument to be made that satire is naturally conservative in nature, it also exists in opposition to reactionary mentalities. In fact, one could argue that…

This is exciting news for me. The Royal Trux have always been my semi-obscure 90s band of choice. Well, Gumball, too, but I'm none too sure how obscure they were. (Both bands, incidentally, were on major labels. Ah, the 90s…)

What about ghosts?

I want to see some pale-skinned Victorian ghosts who haunt English governesses with subtle sexual undertones. (Or do they?) Whatever happened to those?

So a MOOC is like a college course, but there are a million other students, no personal instruction, no classroom to congregate, and the subject is a shitty TV show? Wow. New low, America. New low.

Clearly these Men's Rights guys aren't all that heterosexual. I mean, my ideal world is pretty much all ladies pretty much all the time. A place with only other dudes? That's called fire island, and it ain't really my scene, man.

He was a genius sidekick for Howard Stern. When he was awake.

I don't know. I've been making bets since 2003, at least, and the guy just won't die!