I'm sure Varner thought it was like outing a secret cop or secret pro athlete, but he was an idiot for thinking so. There are things you keep secret because you think it will make the jury vote against you (like you are already rich) and then there are things you keep secret because they are private and nobody's…

Busted, I may as well come clean: I've been doing viral marketing for my company that manufactures and sells Jason Segel-shaped dildos. Now available in two sizes: Fat Jason Segel and Temporarily Skinny Jason Segel. Purchase the set for a Friday night you will always remember…

No wonder he keeps harassing you, if you are doing something frivolous like watching YouTube instead of talking to him. Next time say you are busy jerking off the stranger in the seat next to you. I'm sure he'll take the hint.

Two words: douchebag dads.

Oh please! You say "poison a child" like a child is dead or something. The kid eventually got out of the hospital! NBD.

Does it have to be eating? Couldn't he just make a Jason Segel-shaped dildo and fuck himself with it every day? I almost think I would rather watch that…

In Soviet Russia, rose gets you!

If you look up the word "raconteur" in the dictionary there will be a picture of Matthew Rhys.

The Factory is really just a high-tech health clinic.

*after long threat about murder, being eaten by a dog, and being shit out by same dog on the lawn* "Don't do that. That's a lot of shit. Just call my lawyer."

That is a fun fact, and it puts my favorite line from that show in context. She is describing the difference between herself and the person who was going to play herself. Interesting!

Oh shit, and the preschool fundraiser! How could I forget that? "I'm not suburban mom, I'm funny but fuckable waitress."

My god, I love this show so much. I love every one of the episodes you mentioned. I would add the company picnic to the classics list, and the absolute best episode: the Not On Your Wife Opening Night Party. I've seen it at least five times and I basically shit myself every time.

Piece of meat was right. Is there anything more gross than him pushing/forcing her to have sex, over her explicit rejection, just so he can bang the hottie one last time before she's sent to the factory? That was the scene where I knew I wanted Nolan's eventual outcome to be extremely gory.

When done competently, as this episode did. Nothing creates that "you are there" feeling like the camera holding a steady gaze and moving through the action.

"The ceremony is going to be utterly exhausting within five minutes of starting."

Sometimes I see something on this show that I haven't seen in 30 years and it gives me such a jolt, being something so familiar yet long forgotten and now immediately in the front of my mind. The Star Wars sheets a few seasons ago were like that. So were those Lifestyles rubbers.

No. Back in the 90s Kellyanne Fitzpatrick was gorgeous, sure, but her face was never as punchable as Tomi Lahren's face.

I don't think it was even that. Just the conversation Gregory had with Simon was enough for Simon to go to Negan and say, "They're up to something," and it's not much of a leap for Negan to assume "they" are being led by Rick.

That scene in the movie where President Michael Douglas says, "I'm gonna go door to door, and I'm gonna get the guns!" was when I realized that this guy is just jerking off at his keyboard. All of his other work that I've seen makes more sense in light of this realization. Not that it's good, it just makes more sense.