As a child, I learned it's not technically copyright infringement if:

The one and only.

I checked. Yes, it's still free.

I dunno. My internet seems full of young, excited teenage girls who crave black things.

Really? 'Cause I thought she had a trilogy.

Did you mean before you left for work? There is a huge, huge difference. If you weren't mistaken in your original comment then I'm hesitant to touch anything at the office from now on.

Congratulations to Generic Country Artist for Best Country Song, “I’m Not Gonna Miss You”!

Who's the modern day equivalent of Ernest Borgnine? Paul Giamatti? I would watch Paul Giamatti fly a super-secret helicopter designed by a psychopath with taste for torturing and killing women.

Those damn trolls. Don't let 'em keep you down, Rob Schnieder.

There is when you're having fever induced hallucinations.

Look, if Sly Stallone can figure out how to make the Rambo franchise last 30+ years, I don't see why Meryl Streep can't figure it out.

Her dentist is terrible too. Only 1 in 10 dentists recommends brushing with a bottle of jack.

I wish I had a joke about this, but I guess my boring explanation will have to do.

Madonna would beg to differ.

I remember arguing with my sister that it was "This Can't Be Yogurt". What a bitch.

I once went to a prostitute who refused to honor a competitor's 10% off coupon. I was so angry I totally destroyed her on Yelp.

Since I simply refuse to learn the names for drink sizes at Starbucks, I guess I'm stuck saying, "I want the smallest cup of Ariana that is currently being sold."

Just go watch "The Kentucky Fried Movie" and you'll have context.

My first thought was Elisabeth Shue as a chemist who invents cold fusion in "The Saint".

I have nothing witty - just noting that this literally made me spit out my drink. Nicely done, senor.