Hey dagnabbitt, really hilarious comment, man, great work. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a stack of vinyl I just got free from Polyvinyl that I need to check out.

Fuckin hilarious.

Hey gang, look I don't wanna make this all about myself, but this one is really gonna be something special. The art is gone from the standup form and I've gotta be the one to bring it back and yeah that's right I'm a fuckin artist, man, who the fuck are you to doubt me?

Ain't too late, man. Let's do lunch, we'll talk.

Downvote this fuckin poser, man.

Fuck you.

Alright look I'm not trying to make this all about me, man, alright, but when I'm doing my show, I have a show on IFC I'm sure you've seen it, I feel like I'm essentially giving a State of the Union address about myself, y'know?

Hey man, my work is about more than just downloads and ad revenue.

Hey man, I fuckin spoke truth on Air America and I would have changed some minds if there were anybody other than my target demographic listening.

Yeah real original complaint, fuckhead.

And I would've liked to have thought AV Club commenters weren't stupid fuckheads. Thanks.

Alright, look, man, I'm not trying to make this all about me, Scheer has his own thing goin on, it's cute if you like that kinda thing, I prefer a higher fair since I'm an artist, but hey nobody fuckin asked me to curate a list, right?

Fuck yourself, asshole.

Alright, look, man, between the show, press for the TV show, and my standup, I don't have a ton of time to ask other people about their shit, alright? It's a thing, I'm workin on it, fuck off already.

Alright, look, if I stopped talking to everyone I've told to fuck off on Twitter, my press tour would be really fucking short, alright?

No fucking shit.

You're only as old as the fan you're banging.

Alright, look, man, I'm not trying to make this about me, but I've put a hell of a lot of work into my record collection, it's not something I'm just gonna throw away like some chick.

Look, man, I look at an AV Club interview the way I do any episode of WTF, any standup gig, any conversation with a cashier at 7-11, it's a great opportunity for me to learn more about me.

Cunt.