Then she'll fix your laptop and make a macaroni-bead necklace, all before dinner.

They'll have to thoroughly burn and salt their mall locations.

As a committed fan of white girls with big asses, I can't really hate a company that brought Charlotte Stokely to national attention.

That's "Fuchs." It's German, you know.

Well, the brand matters. And sometimes only the rating: most of the Fork's reviews could be cut by two-thirds and nobody would really miss anything. But RS writers are so old now that they can't even remember their own damn names.

I dunno. Considering how bad TV used to be, I think the latest decade-long wave of "prestige" shows probably raised the median show's quality a touch. Now, music, on the other hand…look, would you believe me if I told you I found an acoustic cover of Eiffel 65's "Blue (Ba Da Bee)" on Souncloud? And a darkwave cover of…

I wouldn't listen, but a lot of moody dudes in their thirties who own a lot of black sweatshirts totally would.

The other three people in the band look like they could be cousins, but they all have different last names. Perhaps they should change their name to Frankenstein's Monster and the Prominent Chins.

Love your username, anyway.

Thanks for saving me some keystrokes.

Yeah, but a book of crossword puzzles and a nice Werther's Original quiets 'em down.

The Sleep Train Amphitheater in Chula Vista? I suppose it's okay, since they're ending the tour there.

Frankly, it may not be as difficult as you figure. The guy has already gone to war with the intelligence services and he hasn't even taken the oath. The ghost or Richard Nixon can tell you that that's a dangerous game to play. I'm aware that most of the people who work for the the FBI and CIA are pencil-pushers and…

"Naw, you're dad's that other cat. The cat who played the vibes. Used to wear a beret sometimes. Toured South America with Miles back in '74. OD'd in '89. That cat. Ooo-weee, did he get around."

I'll tell my mom. She sees him in crossword puzzles all the time.

Actually, I'd stick around just ask Fabio where the heck he went off to.

But did it suck cow tits? That's the real question here.

Well, some of them convinced themselves that Hillary Clinton, a politicians who could take a couple of steps over and be a Yankee Republican, was the next coming of Che. Or that she was the most mendacious woman who ever lived. Worse than their ex-wives, even. And some Repubs are coal miners and haven't had a good job…

She sure is, after I get through with 'er.

And not married, to my knowledge. And would you believe he's Jewish, too? I believe it was Yom-Dhum before they went through Ellis Island. I see his great-aunt at service all the time. You can tell they're related because they both have metal faces and are unspeakably evil.