Someone needs to install HAL in all TV/movie offices so he can interject, "I can't let you do that, Dave," when necessary.

I encounter so many knowledgeable people who have never seen Carson… such a necessary cultural reference point.

Rebooting a franchise, eh? File: delete.

No one's said anything about fucking Alan Greenspan yet, so here it is.

I toughed out listening to Atlas Shrugged on audiobook, so this should be a breeze. Also, that should have cured me of any need for masochism, but no…

Doesn't it make more sense to pair Rand with a villain? Like Scrooge McDuck?

I hate Jack Van Impe mostly because I TiVo-ed his show to see what he cooked up this week… now TiVo suggests all the "mass for shut-ins" shows.

SARS is not scary unless you have a depressed immune system (HIV, chemotherapy, very young or old, ect.). Seasonal influenza has a higher mortality rate, for Christ's sake.

Tom Cruise does not recycle for obvious reasons.

Emotional distress? More like bitches being bitches.

I think everyone is missing the point of the ice cream statement: only gays are lactose intolerant.

Let's just have the rancor settle it in the end.

Great. I laughed at this thread when someone behind me had just finished the statement, "It's metastatic."

My goal in life is to be a propaganda minister…

The Young Ones

What the fuck is with using the prefix "uber" when you are not a company from Germany? Or even from a country whose primary language uses umlauts?

Gretchen and her husband offered to pay for his cancer treatments. Even if he did take that money, it doesn't keep his family from going under financially after he dies. The mortgage, the kids' college tuition, car payments/repairs… it's going to add up to hundreds of thousands of dollars.
That's why I don't think…

Being ugly?

May I suggest a 187 on an undercover cop?

"Mr. Heche has been hospitalized for exhaustion."