On the first two hands, I agree. On the third hand, please have some self respect and make sure that beer is not a Miller Lite.

One of my youth baseball coaches was a great big fat guy. He always wore his pants tightly-belted right around the widest part of his gut, with the shirt tucked in. There was a very visible indentation and we always joked about how it looked like his belt was the equator and he had northern and southern gut…

I drink along/Yeeeeeahhhh, with somebody else
You know when I drink along/I prefer to be with someone else

Don't ya hate pants?

Is Jay S. not doing his Jeopardy! thing during the teen tournaments and whatever tournament comes next?

They should have hired a sex worker to interview him.

Is there a chance my steak knife could bend?

I'm pretty sure math was sent here by the Devil.

True story: I play in a band and our bass player skipped practice one time so he could go to the free Spin Doctors show near his house. That happened earlier this year.

But no matter what the Bannon brings, I should drink it and always be full.

Goddamn, you're on fire.

Ehh, one joke that doesn't land is a small price to pay for a movie that's completely hilarious and awesome otherwise.

That's almost three times as many as Jesus had!

Would you pull out their chest hairs with an old pair of pliers?

You don't even want to know what I went through after my encounter with Revolting Cocks.

True story: A few months ago I was at a show and a guy playing a solo acoustic set said "this next song is by Blues Traveler." But I thought he said it was about Blues Traveler. I was actually pretty intrigued what a song about Blues Traveler would be like, especially if he wasn't a fan. But then he just played…

And unless you're sitting right behind home plate, there's no way the ump is gonna hear you yelling about how blind he is. I realize this doesn't stop anyone from complaining about calls, but still…

That was crazy. And they had to put him in a disguise to sneak him out with his life because so many people wanted to do him harm.

But the umpire signals very clearly whether the pitch was a ball or strike. If you're looking at the fucking batter, you can tell almost immediately what the call is, no matter where you're sitting. Not to mention, they put the pitch count up on scoreboards throughout the stadium.

The headline writer whiffed big time. I mean, completely struck out.