I also accept Weird Al's Twinkie Wiener Sandwich from UHF.

Some onions seem more potent than others too. I usually don't have any problem, but I was slicing up an onion for salsa on the 4th of July and it damn near knocked me over.

I thought onions were nature's onions.

I haven't watched a whole lot of Simpsons with my dad, but I do remember him getting a good laugh when he heard that line. Because, I'm sure, he identified with it so closely.

To listen to one's own parents, everybody would think they were a beautiful baby from the second you were pulled out. Unless one of your parents was my dad, who told the honest truth that I was just as ugly as every other baby.

For sure.

And newborn babies are ugly as shit, every last one of 'em. All shriveled up and pink and looking like aliens. I never get the people who gush "oh he/she's soooooo beautiful." Maybe they'll be cute in a few months, but come on.

Nothing. We all know Jim Nabors is way cool.

Chapelle's Show did it!

True enough, but any bartender who gives a shit at all, or doesn't own stock in Miller, would ask "what kind of beer?" Unless you're in a TV show or movie, where they can't specify without paying or copping up to product placement.

GODDAMMIT!

Chew on air? Well, I guess it is pretty humid today…

Red Fox was old, but come on.

A bee bit my bottom and now my bottom's big.

B-E-E-

Kinky.

I didn't notice the 55 yard line until somebody mentioned it in the comments. At first, seeing teams I didn't recognize, I just assumed it was a picture of some Texas high school game.

So I was just wondering, given your comment,

That makes her sound like a child too. She is obviously aware he was previously married, and I'd say there's an above even chance it's come up in conversation once or twice as well. But maybe she doesn't know!!! Think of the children!!!

I don't know these people obviously, but that sounds extremely petty and selfish. Maybe they're joking but the idea of "you can't ever look at anyone else, even after I'm dead" is pretty fucked up, in my opinion.