Who plays the genie? You guessed it: Frank Stallone.

But dipping fingers in peanut butter led to the whole "I wanna dip my balls in it" sketch. So I think it's a wash.

The 2010s still have two of those things. Is it cool too?

I never realized all those boxers were pirates. I guess it explains all the swearing and fighting.

A movie about the Parent Teacher Association sounds pretty fucking boring.

My Left Hook was right there, man.

I do too. I fucking love IPAs, and I'm thrilled that they're everywhere right now. But I get why some people don't like them and it's obnoxious to hear people going on and on about how fantastic something is whether you agree with them or not.

That's kind of like how I always tell people at restaurants they can't really enjoy their food, I mean truly experience the wonder that is eating, until they've gotten into farming. Trust me, having grown up on and around farms, I know man.

And who the hell is this Amber Stallone I'm hearing about all of a sudden?

I wouldn't want to be associated with Marc Maron either.

Are they down with OPP?

That's not as bad as Sharing My Herpes.

You're not going to ruin a burger by flipping it more than once, sure, but all the extra motion and handling does cause you to lose juices. It's worse to leave it on too long and overcook it.

What kind of man drops Oscar Mayer hotdogs?

I imagine it's what people would call it if Oscar Mayer had naming rights on a roofed stadium.

These pun threads most certainly do not plump when you cook 'em, even though it may be a footlong.

For every article from The Onion even tangentially related to politics, there are 100 dumbasses who think it's true, inevitable proof they're right about the evil of the other side and post it on Facebook.

Unless you have the burger on a hot or dead spot on the grill, flipping it once and cooking an equal time or close to it on each will get you an even cook. So I'd argue it's debunked. While you're right about not pressing down on the burger, every time you flip it or handle it you're going to lose some juices from the…

No, but that sounds great.

But what if you break it first, then stab them with it?