I once got in an argument with my former boss about Touchdown Jesus. She swore he was inside the stadium. When I said no, he's on a building overlooking the stadium, she insisted that there was a giant, stained glass window of Jesus not only inside the stadium, but in the end zone.

That was at Georgia Tech's commencement.

My commencement speaker was some guy who went to my school then ended up working for the San Diego Chargers. If anybody walked out it was only because he was boring as hell and they were just trying to stay awake.

Not when they can play all the service academies and FCS schools for easy early-season wins.

Funnily enough, Mike Pence doesn't fit in that metric. He's definitely worse than Thirty Seconds to Mars and Linkin Park.

4) Don't wear ties that hang down to your balls.

What is it about rugby players? Every one I've ever met has been a spectacular drunk. Especially the girls team at my college. I don't know how they didn't all die of alcohol poisoning or liver failure. I love to drink and they all put me to shame.

Stone Lightbulbs was my old metal band. We sucked hard.

My parents have raised chickens for years. They're total dicks too. The chickens, not my parents. Whenever one of the flock shows sickness or weakness, all the others will gang up on it, not let it get any food and beat the shit out of it until it dies.

I was led to believe the Walrus Rimjob was Paul.

This is a beautiful story.

That does sound easy. *FAPS*

Upvoted for typing "*clown horn clown horn*" twice in one comment section. I love dedication and consistency.

Wait a minute now. You're telling me there are people out there who get to have sex without money changing hands? What the hell am I doing wrong?

So the performer was only seriously injured on the "Wheel of Death?" Man, I hate blatant false advertising like that.

Don't you just love that part where the hologram tells Marty the Cubs won the World Series? Crazy shit there.

I'm not familiar with these books, so please tell me, is this Ramona Quimby related to Diamond Joe Quimby?

Bobcat!

It would be worse if they called it Kayak Kolsch Klassic or something like that.

Same here. It was a while before I realized there was an earlier, better version of the song. And while it was definitely a better version, I still to this day don't care for either because the unplugged version is so mindfuckingly terrible and got played into the ground back then.