And isn't aioli mayonnaise dressed up with various other spices?

How do you keep up with the news like that?

It had a porno room, how uncool could it be?

And it actually takes place almost entirely in Minnesota.

You gotta let kids make their own mistakes.

I'm Guy Who's Never Seen Die Hard. Not through any sort of principle or refusal to patronize Bruce Willis or something like that. I just never saw it, never been somewhere where friends were watching it, or anything. I imagine I'll probably end up seeing it some day.

Never let Canadian geography get in the way of a good joke.

Lots of people can play the shit out of a guitar but suck a giant dong overall.

To the best of your knowledge.

That reminds me of the time in about 2004 or '05 when I was driving along I-29. A van pulled up in the left lane, slowly passing me. Two kids in the back seat held up a hand-written sign that said "Honk if you think Bush is a ass." Despite the typo, you bet your sweet ass I laid on the horn.

They play so fine, don't you agree!

Your dog was just annoyed that you were picking up your neighbor's poop and didn't want to take it out on you.

Is there any time to enjoy fuckin' anything?

What else are you supposed to do when you're tryin' to holla at someone?

Beckett Baseball Card Price Guide

I remember seeing him on an episode of Children's Hospital in the last few years.

He was in the one about Sugar Hill Gang, right? I think I remember watching that and saying "Holy shit, it's Urkel!" But I may have been drunk too.

Could they do that thing like in the episode where Eddie throws a party and a bunch of football players decide to play a game with Grandma's gravy boat. And then they accidentally snap the gravy boat through a window? Because if so, they'd have my money.

*Fights urge to post The A.V. Club in response*

That pun was a real thriller. I'm laughing so hard I'm bouncing off the wall over here.