Man, can we get you to produce reality shows instead of all the jackoffs that do it now?

I remember in the first few years of Obama's administration all the Republicans saying "Obama is blaming everything on Bush." Then, of course, the hypocrites blamed absolutely everything on Obama, before he was even out of office. Trump is just taking it farther off the deep end.

I'm just going to go ahead and assume the shirt Biggie is wearing in that photo says "WHOREHOUSE" and not the more likely MOREHOUSE.

Someone around here suggested, when it was first announced Arnold would host the show, that instead of saying "you're fired," he say "fuck you, asshole." I'm pretty sure the fact he didn't do that is the reason this didn't work out.

Except, of course, at that kid who shot him.

There's a trio of middle-aged women who vape every day that I see from my office window. But I'm pretty sure they're doing it as a method of trying to quit smoking, not to look cool.

If drinking and listening to music is ever not cool, I know that I don't want to live any more. Sure, you can debate the quality of the drink and music, but come on, drinking and music make life livable.

Well, there goes your hopes of a porno career.

Have you ever smelled someone smoking a pipe? That shit smells good. Trouble is, no one but grandpas smokes a pipe any more.

I like to imagine you laughing through about two days in church, in the shower, at work, like Mr. Burns.

Keith Richards has a funny anecdote how, whenever he goes to the bathroom for more than a few minutes, people automatically assume he's shooting up/overdosed/dead. For many years, the poor guy was unable to take a dump in peace without someone thinking he was cooking.

I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!

Their cajun fries are especially delicious.

But then you get the ones that go too far and only do one thing like Raising Cane's or Zaxby's. Chicken strips are the only thing you have on the menu? Get the fuck outta here.

We used to see who could pull the Razor's Edge on the lightest kid in our class. Of course, this was on to a high jump mat in gym class so we didn't break his neck, but still… It's not easy lifting someone above your head like that.

I get that, but it's like if somebody made a bodyslam their finishing move, only they ran around a little bit or did some hip shake first. It's still just a regular old thing people have been doing forever that's supposed to be special now?

The Rock's "People's Elbow" is probably the dumbest finishing move. It's just a regular old elbow drop that everybody else did 39 times a match. Oh, but he bounced off the ropes! Yeah, then stopped. Oh, he took off his stupid little elbow sleeve! So fucking what. Oh, but he did a little dance before dropping it. Lame.

I figured it was probably legal, but people want to keep their scores with two zeros at the end. I honestly don't remember if I've ever seen someone wager $1,573 or something like that. I'd be tempted to if I were on the show because I have some weird OCD thing or an aversion to round numbers. For example, I can never…

For some reason that bothers me, watching him stand there holding the buzzer in his left hand and daintily pushing the button with his right index finger. But it was obviously working better than Kate's more traditional approach, as she flailed the buzzer wildly around.