I have a friend who would always reply "Fuck a B, it's got more holes" whenever someone would say Fuckin' A.

For some reason my parents are OK with shit, and were OK with us kids saying it from about high school on. But I've never ever heard my mom say fuck and my dad only a few times when he's seriously pissed off. I'm almost 40 years old and still won't say fuck in front of them, but have slipped up once or twice. Dad will…

I remember seeing a documentary about Andre the Giant. He had to have back surgery and this was a huge dilemma for the anesthesiologist and whole surgical team. They had to give a giant way more drugs than most people just to put him under. But they also couldn't give him so much it would kill him. But they also also…

I'm the opposite of your first paragraph. I absolutely love mushrooms but hate beets with a passion. I agree with everything in your second paragraph.

What these poor bastards need is some Hormel Black Label Bacon.

You ever been at a buffet and you come across a big pile of yellow shit?

I have a similar tomato thing. Salsa is my absolute favorite food on God's green earth. I also like all kinds of pasta sauces, tomatoes on sandwiches or chopped in Mexican dishes and so on. But my dad grows a shitload in his garden every year and he and mom and many others just wash one off, slice it and eat it raw.…

I've never been able to tell enough of a difference between them to develop a preference. If I did a blind taste test I doubt I could pick the Miracle Whip or mayo. But they're both just fine and pretty good on fries as well.

Same here. I know it sounds kind of superficial, but I would have a real hard time being with someone who didn't get excited about food or want to try new things. That's a huge part of what I find enjoyable in life. Fortunately, I married an awesome woman who loves doing just that. And while we don't like all of the…

Fuck mushrooms? No, my fungus-hating friend, fuck you!

Callouts to the host city? Man, these guys really are pros.

I don't have time to listen to them whine. About nothing and everything all at once.

I couldn't discuss it with that guy since we Parted Ways.

One time a guy thought I was the Heartless Bastards bassist in the men's room after a Heartless Bastards show. He said "hey, great show man." I agreed it was a good show and wondered why this guy felt the need to discuss the greatness of the show with a stranger taking a piss.

I only ever see distorted Jesuses in my restaurant decor.

Fuckin' A man.

I didn't even know you could get beer at Chipotle. Is that a Florida or California thing?

Please tell me said scandal involved the Detroit Lions, perhaps mishandling their balls like that rapscallion Tom Brady.

Next time you're in Aldi, pick up some of their guacamole and tortilla chips. Both are surprisingly good.

OK, but what movies has he done that are so bad? I don't think I've seen his entire filmography, but he's been pretty good in everything I've seen him in. Especially "Love and Mercy."