This reminds me: I have a cousin who, a few days ago, posted a meme on Facebook. It was a picture of Sasha Grey doing a blowjob gesture with her hand and tongue stuck in her cheek. It said something like "giving a man oral sex releases hormones in a woman's body that results in weight loss." Now, this is obviously…

Indeed. This is almost as funny as that time Trace Adkins got in a fight with a Trace Adkins impersonator on a country-themed cruise.

My high school football coaches taught us to scream BALL! every time there was a fumble. That habit has carried over to when I'm watching football on TV. It doesn't come out every time, but every once in a while I'll scare the shit out of my wife and cat.

That was a really shitty, unfortunate incident, but of course it was a Browns player named Brown who was injured by a referee.

Upvoted for "cuz fuck Dan Marino with an Isotoner." That's the kind of endorsement-specific hate I can really get behind.

I knew a guy in college named John-Paul Cletus-Thomas (His last name). Awesome and redneckish as that name was, it could've used an Aloysius.

What is the retirement age for goats? Do they save up cans to chew on in their new-found free time?

But is it a jinx if he does something good after someone cocks off about all the bad they've done? I figured a jinx is cursing someone to a poor performance after singing their praises.

I'm not a Patriots fan, but I sincerely hope they win this weekend, because fuck Denver forever.*

Upvoted for Catch 22 reference.

I didn't watch that game, but I just google image searched those unis and Jesus H. Tittyfucking Christ, those are terrible. I swear it's a race to the bottom for worst possible uniforms between Thursday night games and whatever visual abortions Oregon and Maryland shit out during college football games.

I think you can count on Trump to push through the TITS Act.

Well sir, it does ensure a healthy mix of the rich and the ignorant.

That's so much more humble than Sting's Bragging On Tantric Sex.

Baby I got your matzo!

Johnny Blaze, out to get loot like Johnny Cash
Play a game of Russian roulette and have a blast

I said Hemingway. And I felt bad also, because not only have I been to only his museum like you, but I love his work much more than the other two.

Real good now.

Because Trebek insists on being the smartest Canadian on stage at all times.

I remember about 16 or 17 years ago Bobcat Goldthwait was on Hollywood Squares. When the two contestants that day talked about all the amazing shit they do, Bobcat said "Why don't you ever get any normal contestants? Someone that says 'hi I'm Bill. I like to sit on my ass and drink beer.'"