Speaking of Key and Peele, Scoot McNairy sounds like one of the names they would have had in their college football all-star game sketches.

You know, chopping someone's pinkie or toe off just for some fantasy celebrity wedding isn't really a sacrifice, and in fact, is kind of selfish.

Some of my friends were talking about Hard Knocks and the whole Jared Goff thing recently. And while he appears to be very stupid, all I could muster in response was "You mean to tell me football players are stupid? Well now I've heard it all."

FAH-Qs, if you will.

Hey Pops, how you enjoying my former Huskers Quincy Enunwa and Brett Qvale and that vaunted Jets offense?

I've seen it several times now, and I gotta ask: What the fuck is a hugbox?

They're really giving it to that Chevy Chase character. He must work there or something.

That's the good thing about being from a small town. When I go back home and go to the VFW for a drink with my dad I can get a round for about six people for $10.

I'm so adjective I verb nouns.

I've always found with Yoko Ono it's pretty fucking easy to figure out that what you're hearing is not really good.

Did he at least ask to borrow it first?

People Like Us should be above making shitty puns.

First, you reel them in the with the allure of a so-so Bills/Jets game, then when you have their interest, you hit 'em with the big guns. That's right: Lions vs. Jaguars. Those poor international viewers will be hooked and suckling off the NFL teat for life!

Turned your poop green, maybe.

Dennis has every Steve Winwood album.

You couldn't really see it in the video, but the guy in the shower was wiping away some, uh let's go with tears, too.

I can't speak for all Americans, but I sure as hell am. They're fantastic too. My cat even likes 'em.

People look at me weird when I put mustard and pepper on my fries. But it's good shit, gawk away people.

Salsa Rio? I remember those. For a while there Doritos had some really stupid ideas too, like Pizza Hut flavored chips. Not pizza flavored, but Pizza Hut flavored. Brand synergy!

Ketchup chips sounds absolutely terrible. But, compared to orange, cherry and grape chips, they sound like manna from the Gods.