I saw him in 2000 and they had an intermission between the opener and Carlin. After the opener the PA announcer at this fancy place informed everyone that they could get refreshments in the lobby, as well as Carlin gear including a T-shirt that said "Simon says go fuck yourself."

So how the hell did you say them all just now? I've been deleted for using the second one on your list. And even the third when quoting a line from "Team America: World Police."

*Swings 2x4 at Miller wildly, breaking nearby car window*

I grew up in Nebraska and in fourth grade we took a trip to a nearby museum that was formerly an Indian boarding school. For some reason they had a taxidermied, two-headed calf in there and the teacher got all pissed off that all the kids wanted to ask about that instead of the depressing history of forced…

That same anti-vaxxer turned me down too! I had to go home that night and rubella one out.

So you'd have a reason to start back alley fist fights?

Is that this "Hot Cosby" thing I've been hearing about?

"Aw fuck, the Jehovah's Witnesses are at the door again. HOLY SHIT, IS THAT PRINCE WITH THEM?!?!?!? Yeah, go ahead, tell me whatever you want about Jesus."

He needs to settle down. He's going to give himself skin failure.

Amen to that. My advice to all women and anyone interested in men: We are very often not good at getting hints. Sometimes you have to come right out and say it plainly, even if it is not optimal.

It's not really the taste of High Life that gets me. For some reason it always gives me a gut ache. Not that I love the taste of it, but after one or two my gut just starts hurting and feeling weird every time, so I gave up on it. But it works for a lot of people and is cheap, so have at it.

I'll join your tribe. I drink a good amount of Budweiser as well as all kinds of craft beers. I don't like Bud Light or Miller Lite or High Life, but if anybody else wants to drink 'em knock yourselves out. Fuck everybody in here with their high and mighty beer attitudes.

Belgian AND Brazilian.

I wouldn't mind whipping an unopened beer can at Trump's face from close range…

It would only be racist if the harmful additive to which you were referring was pee pee in your Coke.

Now show 'em them titties.

Or "What Do You Do For Money, Honey?" if your date is a prostitute.

I mean, for God's sake, he doesn't even know what a slide ruler's for!

Do you think Otto would be a Dawes fan? I don't know, probably not rockin' enough.

Can't someone else do it?