So Samuel L. Jackson looks exactly like Denzel Washington to you, you racist Nazi?

EVERYONE "REASONABLE:"

EVERYONE "REASONABLE:"

"Those are balls."

"Those are balls."

Being nonplussed at this Newswire is punishable by catapult. READ THE PATRIOT ACT!

Being nonplussed at this Newswire is punishable by catapult. READ THE PATRIOT ACT!

Neal Stephenson can break away your sanity, one chapter at a time. It's so worth it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to weave silicon-beaded caterpillar silk into my sideburns.

Neal Stephenson can break away your sanity, one chapter at a time. It's so worth it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to weave silicon-beaded caterpillar silk into my sideburns.

They prefer to be called "Blackanese," you insensitive clod!

They prefer to be called "Blackanese," you insensitive clod!

"I am Brannon Braga. You will be demoted to minor threat and sexy co-star. Resistance is futile, because nobody gives a shit about Voyager."

He's right; it's good. Good enough to make his fiber jealous!

Nike has a shit-ton more money than NASA these days.

Wait, come back! URITE!!

Citizen Kane? More like Citizen Bob Kane!

I'm sorry, you didn't say, "Peter Jackson says."

For fuck's sake, Hollywood, just make this sketch two hours instead:

Hey—just know you're not alone. I'm ashamed of you, too.

When I was a kid playing Space Harrier, I always imagined I was controlling Balki. This guy has a mainline into my brain.