Black people love me. I'm careful to fist-bump instead of shake hands when introducing myself to black people because it shows I have taken the time to learn their culture.

I think The Police are the real guitar heroes.
Unless there's a band called The Firemen, or the US Servicemen.

Greatest Hollywood pitch ever - 10 words or less:

Also enjoyable . . . Pacific Sole.

Also enjoyable . . .
. . . Pacific sole.

LA Lineup looks delightful.
Kid Rock?! - sold, I'm there
Sheryl Crow?!?! - SOLD & SOLD, I am so there!
Keith Urban?!?!?! - (orgasms, head explodes)

Sweet: a Cryptogram. I play these in Games magazine. Let me try -

Excellent. Then I shall look forward to our discussion in just 8 years.

Heh heh heh. Ahhhh . . . Jews are adorable.

Ah, TW/Lone Audience . . . for as much 3 and 400 level college course rhetoric as you give us (and much of it delightful), statements like your previous two demonstrate that you listened a little too intently in those 101 courses as well.

I'm not sure that's correct, but I don't know enough about the holocaust to dispute you.

Stuff you are not allowed to trash on the AV Club:

Steely Dan < The Doobie Brothers (with MacDonald) < The Eagles < The Doobie Brothers (without MacDonald) < Having Subway's Jared and the new Taco Bell diet lady both fart directly into my ears < All other music.

@El Santo:

Diatribes in 3 . . . 2 . . .

But more importantly, what do AV Club commenters think about religion?

Don't hate; ejaculate!

*Will's son lands Karate Kid role*

What are these "books" you speak of? In America, we read Kindle.

Dear Uh,