Unfortunately, sunlight makes all sorts of useless, prickly fucking weeds pop up and slowly strangle the beautifully maintained lawn of democracy that we've been futzing over the past 200 years.

Witnessed this weekend: a version of this with an American flag on one corner and the Stars and Bars in the other corner. For when you want to look extra patriotic AND like you've never, ever opened a history book or had a casual conversation with literally anyone who knows even the first thing about American…

Which raises an interesting time-travel-related question - is "saving the Lindberg baby" the same thing to Neo-Nazis that "killling hilter" is to the rational world?

Is there no air in the bubble because the fire consumed it all? I really hope that's why…

And no madman goes and splices some African frog DNA into the cheese.

That's not right. It was the same size, shape, and function of a C-130 in the books

Do your people even have a name for "nose"? Shouldn't that be "My, aren't you getting dickey"?

Or, "extras"

Some things are good everywhere! GAWD…

Victim of a Christian Mass Shooter

The only thing worse than grammar Nazis is armed grammar Nazis

All I can picture is lemon party

Excerpt from Sean Hannity's diary:

Since fire naturally spreads out the further it gets from its source, I think there's a question here of where we're measuring from.

….OF COCK?!?

That wasn't tea, and Sean is going to be VERY cranky if you don't return it immediately.

When you something charm it

Who knew Marijuana was so formal? Or should that be Mr Marijuana, Esq?

It'd help if she didn't hate everyone she meets!

Kids will still learn to play music because of all that $$$$ to be made hocking your talents on Spotify.