(fig) Newtons?

Tell that to the Lithium channel on SiriusXM radio!!

In Soviet Russia, you don't want to see Danny Houston's penis, Danny Houston's penis wants to see you!!

Neither can I.  Why, his lying on the Internet makes me so mad, I'd like to beat him to a fine pulp with my 28 years old powerlifter biceps.  If I weren't busy working as a high powered attorney-scientist-mega billionaire and fucking my supermodel wife who I have an open relationship with by the way so I can totally…

No one can actually snark that much.  The only way to do this is to load up a bag with snark before you need it and then find the right angle to let it loose so as to appear to actually come from Sean.  Either several people contributed to the amount of snark we're seeing here, or there's some counterfeit snark being…

It's like it's coming right at me!!

Ah, man, last night I met this hot chick and gave her a peanut butter sandwich.  In fact, I gave her a couple peanut butter sandwiches.  She had so many peanut butter sandwiches that she practically begged me to give her a glass of milk.  And I gave her that glass of milk real slow, if you know what I mean!

Yeah, I've always pronounced it jiblets, and so has everyone else I've ever heard use the word.

Well, for my part, I was going to try to come in here and elevator the discussion, but after seeing the quality of these puns, I decided just to stall until I can come up with one that truly gets the thrust of plane-related puns right.

Talking Talking Dead's dead, man.

Rabin's is the only portrait that doesn't look like a minor variation on Generic White Guy Template #3.  Also - why do all of the portraits look like the authors want to beat my ass?  The fuck did I do to you, portraits?

"I'm really AMPed up to kill you, Spiderman!  Oh, please bolt, it make it more fun!!  Oh, you jumped into the air and swooped away on a web, what a shock-er!"

And why did they Photoshop it to make him look all bloaty?  Too much fisheye effect, or something…

Hey, Gauyz!  It sound like we all have much fun to do coming up!  I hope you all have fun time!!!  Alright, laterz good friends!

You're a madman!!

I had never even seen a shooting star before. 25 years of rotations, passes through comets' paths, and travel, and to my memory I had never witnessed burning debris scratch across the night sky. The Chipotle Burrito Artists were hunched over their workspaces. Tina the late-teens order-taker/tortilla-warmer slowly laid…

Oh, I asked his mom.  I asked her all night long!

Why buy the Real Doll when I can get the milk from various commenter's mothers for free?

HOLY CRAP DO I WANT TO PUNCH THAT RESTAURANT IN THE FACE.

Grab ahold of that stop motion toad-baby over there, curse the light, and ride that sumbitch to the nightmarish hellscape from whence it sprung.  From there just jump on the I-10 and you'll be home in a couple hours, traffic depending.