"Excuse me, Mr. Newswire writer, but the animals pictured are clearly tortoises , NOT turtles, as they are living a mostly terrestrial lifestyle."

I tried, but only one of the turtles mutated into anything, and that was mostly just "covered in tumors".  Of course he was the Donatello of my flick.

*Obligatory "white dudes are always obsessing about the size of black dudes' penii" joke.

Oh, Australia.  Will you ever stop being the world's hilariously accented teenaged nephew?

Missed opportunity for "fat Apollo'ed"

I'm against it, unless Dr. Spaceman is involved in some way.

Softer Side of Smallpox?

Or how about a Sith lord with greater control over the force than someone who's had literally an hour's worth of training.

I disagree with the gentleman above me.  I think you only suck assholes by the campfire to this song, played on infinite repeat.  I do, however, believe that the variety of assholes that you have sucked (and probably will suck) is great, and a testament to your commitment to sucking assholes.

I'm sure that networks still make a ton of money on ad revenue because:

Your phone asked where the "wet fucking slant-eyed jap" was?

Its especially annoying that any comment more than one or two deep basically becomes a bunch of words arranged vertically.

Food-related programming is neither a cause nor a solution to poverty and hunger.

Who was the one that responded to him after midnight?

"A dull kitana, and a gun with no bullets?  I can't imagine I'll ever have use for either of these."

That exact same thing happened to me with Comcast in my current place.  I resolved it by talking to the friendly (but dumb) customer care rep, then talking to her less friendly (but somehow more dumb) supervisor, and then talking to his downright rude (but somehow still breathing on his own, ostensibly) manager, and…

schnauzer, you fucking cretin.

Senor Bagofcrap's mother really gets around to all of the local charities, where she devotes her time tirelessly towards helping others reach their personal climax.

Mellon Color Pants The Infinite Slimcut.

Goddammit, I really fucking hate this "taking epithets literally" bullshit. Like that, right there.  I am not specifically asking God to Damn some unspecified thing, nor am I fucking hate, nor do I think that "taking epithets literally" is actually the shit that comes from a bull.  These things aren't literal you…