I thought she was pretty good as Gollum in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. And she was smashing as the horse in War Horse.

I demand a Permanent Moon Colony by 2018.

Dude, you had kids with your sister? It's cool that you visit and all, but still, don't you think you could have done better? What do your parents say?

Sounds romantic. Have fun, lovebirds.

Your sister still hasn't seen Monty Python's Holy Grail?

Screw this guy. I want a Permanent Moon Colony, and I want it now!

I don't know how it turned out, but his marriage to his adopted daughter seems to have worked out just fine.

Not immortal. Just married to his adopted daughter.

Wait, so did Woody Allen give Soon-Yi away to himself at the wedding? How did that work?

Holy crap this is bad television.

So when is Woody Allen opening his adopt-a-daughter/bride agency?

But that doesn't sound very interesting. A movie about a white rugby athlete saving the day, however, sounds like box-office gold!!!

Rats! Fox News tricked me again! Now who's gonna keep me safe from the Kenyan Muslim Marxist Mexican Terrorists who are out to get me?

A movie about Nelson Mandela? Well that's gonna suck, unless of course it's actually about a white rugby player and the rugby world cup, in which case it's ok if Mandela is a minor character. But, ya know, just make sure the movie features lots of white people saving the day. Otherwise I get scared and need Fox News…

Unless all the characters are caucasian in this, I refuse to see it.

See, that's what I was afraid of.

Wait, so I'll get a free tugg if I book this movie in my town? Do I get to pick who will give me the tugg, or does that just make me look selfish? A tugg is a tugg, after all.

I'm not sure she's even in Beer Goggles territory, at least not until she puts the pastries down and learns how to do a jumping-jack without spewing enough vomit to feed a starving family of 8 for a month. Seriously, the guttural discharge from her second sausage biscuit breakfasts alone would help the global fight…

Are you sure it's not just a mouth-full of pie that make her sound funny when she talks?

First 19, then 21. For her next album, I recommend she eat fewer slices of cake in one sitting.