I wasn't laughing…

I recommend you change around the order of events slightly: first pull an all-nighter, then turn the liquor up to 11, take a shit on your professionalism, hit the couple you don't like (i.e., hit on her, and just hit him), and finally get the wedding photos done.

Yeah, right out of nowhere!  Like a shot to the groin followed by strained mugging directly into the camera.

Menses trouble, woman-sees tv show.  Brilliant!

Feel free.  My son doesn't appreciate these much yet anyways.  He's always cutting the jokes short by inviting in the knocker: "Oh, Horsp, come on in!"  Kid's a total knock-blocker.

Jesus Christ, Scrawler, I didn't teach it to my kid!  The one I taught him (apart from the cow version) was:

Unrelated

Thanks, Al!  I do enjoy busting out the occasional "internet freestyle rap"…

Yes! I want to see if Hat's hat fits on that gigantic head!

Oh, they go there.

It's really infuriating.  I once had to text a long set of instructions to my brother-in-law (for his benefit) and I took the time to spell out and punctuate everything really carefully, and then what did he text back? "k".  What the fuck is that about?

I for one am very happy that @avclub-c701a997d9bef627835b036efb4eca63:disqus feels free here to express the fact that he is a very good-looking - and obviously intelligent - guy who dates models.  You have nothing to hide, ThisIsNotAnInternetMeme, and don't let anyone tell you differently!

Hey, @avclub-94d8526a5fae933806f65b8a0f49301a:disqus , try listening to Danny Brown's "Monopoly".  Really pay attention to the lyrics.  Then please tell me whether or not you think it's terrible - I'm genuinely curious.

a.k.a. "The wistful fistful"…

Cheer up, I think you're cute! <3 ;)  XOXO  3====D~~~~ [your face]

Goddammit, Mom!

The best headline I ever read was about a suicide in the town of Dildo, in my home province of Newfoundland (yes, the road sign in my avatar is real, and there is a store there called "Ye Olde Dildo Shoppe").  Anyways, a guy from this town killed himself by jumping off a seaside cliff, and the next day's newspaper had…

Motherfuckers must be thinkin' that I give a damn…
Y'all think I give a fuck about a hologram?
The only grams I'm carin' bout are the ones that I'm slingin'
My bones are still hustlin', and my skeleton's blingin'.
Makin' mad cheddar whether I'm alive-r or dead-er,
Selling rock to these worms, but the maggots pay better.
Smok…

Fingerbanging…from beyond the graaaave! *thunder, pipe organ chords*

FRAGGED!