Shouldn't you be somewhere eating your own young, you fucking hamster?

Hey you fucking hamster, Chinchillas are like three times your size so maybe you should just step off before something bad happens to you!

Hey everyone!
Chinchillas are waaaaay softer than boring old hamsters!

Chinchillas are sick of your fucking face!

Chinchillas are experts at intuiting sincerity behind even the wryest facade!

In hand-to-paw combat, Chinchillas have been known to take on three children at once!

Chinchillas prefer the Americana music genre!

Chinchillas are native to the South America!

Fuck off, I thought of ripping the gerbil off first.

You probably shouldn't own a chinchillas as a pet. Who knows what diseases we might have.

Hey everyone
Chinchillas are allergic to oranges, maybe?

Hey did you know that lots of people have chinchillas as pets?

Did you know that people have been killing chinchillas for the fur for thousands of years?

Did you know that chinchillas have incredibly soft fur?

OH HAI DOGGIE

ahem
OH HAI DOGGY

Yeah, uh… kids want to stash their contraband in places where adults won't find it and tracts of forest fit the bill perfectly? Or were you hoping for something involving gnomes?

Say what you will about this guy, but his career shows that gimmickry, in general, has incredible potential. We should all learn from him.

Hey everyone.

No, I feel good about this. It's not what you say so much as where you say it, right? And this article is going to be BIG. I did the right thing.