I would not have sex with Santa if he brought me a 1998 Benz. What is the bluebook value on that anyway?

I wouldn't have thought there was such a thing as a funeral parlor that deserved to be brought down a notch, but here we are.

No you wouldn't.

I've heard the disappointment about having to eat rice for successive meals can have a physiological affect on the facial features of those in East Asian counties.

"It's not a comedy"
"When my son returns from a fancy smancy college, I am horrified to discover that he has turned into a nerd."

I wonder if Pacino gets to have sex in this one like he did in Righteous Kill. Because based on how he is looking in that picture, I'm thinking that wouldn't be such a good idea.

YAH DA DA YAH DA DA YAH DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN
YAH DA DA YAH DA DA YAH DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN

I'm pretty sure Oprah and the Black Crusaders enjoy their funky hip-hop stylings just as much as USA Today does.

I'm not from Florida…but my relative is!! Dun dun dun!

When I was in 9th grade
a relative signed me up for some scientology auditing (like an interegation). My mom didn't know what the deal was, and just though it was some kind of youth group. I held the cans and the person asked me about stuff that might have upset me or that I was ashamed about. Being 14, the only real…

The LaRouche kids seem so cool and hip at first. Then they start talking about aliens replicants and nude conspiracies. Which is decidedly unhip.

Bonnie will damn divorce me. I don't want to get damned divorced.

My favorite is the tv version of Die Hard 3 where Bruce Willis is wearing a sign that has been edited to read "I hate everybody" in the middle of Harlem. The homeboys get really really mad that he hates "everybody."

Oh for christ's sake, I meant "that's all *you're* gonna do". John Travolta really needs to not omit apostrophes when he speaks.

At 4:27 of the pulp fiction fer tee vee
Go home, cool off, and that's all your gonna do.

We actually just call it a sausage.

I was going to post something snarky about all the ladies saying on Zoosks "all my friends say I am exactly like Liz Lemon lol!"

Wouldn't there be a step in there where you scan to see if one of the Sandler/Rock/Spade triad are listed in the cast? Maybe after step 3

In its defense, it did star George Plimpton as the uptight dean.

I kno right!? :0> That Saen guy is a totl faaagggg!!!! Lol!
He don evn knw basic Rssn history. Wat a fucktard a*sh*le sayin Soviet era! ROFLMO!!!!