Oh please, you poseurs. Every single one of you would put it in Diablo Cody if given the chance. And you know it.

That tweet won't stop me from buying Entemann's products. The fact that Entemann's products taste like soft-boiled ass will stop me from buying Entemann's products.

I had the cassette tape of the 1776 soundtrack when I was a kid, and I played that fucker until it wore out.

Leighton Meester is soooooooo last year.

Warren gets to bang Annette Bening. He doesn't need to look anywhere else.

Not to mention that it's a Tejano high-schooler trying to fake a British accent.

MBFGW was an amusing trifle — because while she is a one-note comedienne, she played that note reasonably well. The rest of her career (so-called) … never mind.

He did freaking Turner & Hooch. That's a career right there!

Same rules for if you come into contact with Armond White, interestingly enough.

And she has big knockers. Or had, before she lost all the weight.

But I like small knockers. Does that mean I'll enjoy this movie, or hate it? Someone help me out here …

That would explain the cover of Blind Faith's album too.

New Sensations, bitches.

This idea blows.
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The answer is "just try and stop them from acting like that. See what it gets you besides a stiletto heel in the forehead."

Oh, and here I was assuming Flaubert had pursued a career in the custodial arts.

Lucy Punch is passably attractive. If you go for that whole "tall blondes with big boobs" thing.

As a married man of over a decade, with kids, I can state without a doubt that while not being all that humorous, periods are still funnier than vomiting or defecation.

That, and HDB just isn't funny.

She was excellent in Being John Malkovich. And There's Something About Mary collapses without her. She's not Meryl Streep, but she's capable.