Sea World officials complain that the film Blackfish is a shoebox of lie-ee-ie-ie-ies.

Like there is any place where it's better to be stoned than a Willie Nelson concert that also contains several gigantic aquariums.

There was a rumor that my junior high shop teacher somehow lost one of his balls in a jigsaw accident. Reports varied on the nature of the accident, though I'm guessing you guys could reconstruct most of them. The A.V. Club commentariat is nothing if not the Pierre Menard of missing-testicle jokes.

"Okay, fine. You got me. The truth is, you are all dead. Greendale is purgatory, and I am The Devil."

I'm still waiting for Creative Assembly to make Westeros: Total War more than just a Medieval 2 mod.

Oh, I agree with you. But what's "the entire education system?" What's "society?" Is the high school athletic director going to make a big difference in those kids' lives? Are random people on the street going to give them the push they need? If they aren't getting home support, 99% of their interaction with the…

"C'mon, Jack Sparrow, let's get pissed and watch porn."

It's his voice. When you see some otherworldly being that sounds like he's from Brooklyn and is just pissed off enough to consider kicking your ass, you know you're watching Perlman.

With X3, I remain amazed at how on-point Ratner's most prominent casting was (Grammer as Beast, Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde) and how bad the actual movie is.

Good point on the school system, though as a person who never felt "the calling" to be a teacher but is teaching right now, my sympathy for the "kids that the system gives up on" is limited. On one hand, it's not their fault- they have parents that don't give a shit, or they're just not good at sitting still in one…

"Dr. Fart!"

"And I will inhabit with you here, or you can inhabit with me in England."

Richard Curtis is Cassandra for the modern age. Didn't he also make a movie where it turned out Hugh Grant was kind of a jerk?

The British version of an angel would be a man who moves incredibly slow in a passive-aggressive manner while wrapping your Christmas present to your mistress. He doesn't want you to do it, but then he doesn't want to butt in and make a big fuss either, so he'll just keep adding aromatic ingredients to the Christmas…

"Sixteen going on seventeen?" More like "sixteen and going on my dick."

I know, but I can't help but think "really? All the great movies that have been released from 2000-present, and those are the ones that are important to you? And that actor is the one that you considered the face of the franchise?" It's definitely snobby of me, but I can understand people obsessing over Die Hard or…

The weirdest thing about Paul Walker's death has been the sudden prominence of people for whom The Fast and the Furious movies are a life-altering touchstone, and for whom Paul Walker was a personal hero. There's a few on my Facebook feed.

I think it expresses a deep, personal desire, possibly sublimated in childhood, to watch Mads Mikkelsen and Hugh Dancy fuck.

Martin Freeman and the adorable Welsh girl are equally POV characters- Freeman hadn't been in anything but The Office at that point, and the movie doesn't give him any sort of extra time.

Well, I've got good news and bad news…