Finally, an act that can compete with the embarrassment of being on a Michael Bay set…

Sadly, I had to settle for screwdrivers this afternoon.  I'm all out of Guinness & my maid is MIA. 

If I want to maximize my douchiness, what is the recommended amount of Mountain Dew that I should inbibe?

Dammit, Jerry!

What about her?  Oh… right.  Shit.

This is a great show, but this episode seemed like the writers had a bet amongst themselves how many puns they could fit into a half-hour show. 

(Flagged for spoiler alert).  I'm still studying early 20th American Century history, you dick!

That's a lot of information in that one sentence…

The Taiwanese animation of this is going to be so awesome! 

I always thought she was married to Matthew McConaughey.  

He plays a doofus so convincingly… I never would've pictured him as a Harvard man.

The guy on the left has the cold penetrating eyes of a serial murderer. 

This is one of the most mundane east coast-west coast rivalries ever.

Report from London police: James Earl Jones and David Prowse are being considered "persons of interest."

I like Plaza and all, but she better not try and pull that stunt at the Nobel Prize ceremony this year.  It's the filet of the award season.

I really enjoyed Orrin's resume.  

From now on, I'm only taking relationship advice from the members (and producer) of Radiohead.  Take that, R.E.M.!

"Have you guys seen this, have you heard about this?  Tarantino has already planned an edited version for North Korea.  It's called 'Djong Un-Chained.'

"The Yeah Yeah Yeah's say 'No, No, No' to cell phones." 

When I was a kid, I used to devour and memorize those big book of movie review books he made every year.  And he was right, "Gladiator" was overrated.  RIP.