My stupid username works perfectly for this Newswire!

The Iliad—the duckface that launched a thousand ships.

What a totally outrageous paradigm!

Rumpelstiltskin, also not a great idea.

How many other actresses are typecast as pregnant?

Can I just say how much I love the phrase "blobby toddler?"

If we get you a hi-tech hidden camera, will you get us a bootleg?

It's all about "Battleshots" now. And alcohol poisoning.

That was actually my biggest beef with the movie.

Caucasian female = always the Pink Ranger.

Greg and Dharma?

Ugh, that picture is horrible. And greyscale is always fatal in adults; the most merciful thing to do would be to kill her now.

Hermaphrodites or GTFO.

Pretty ironic that much of these comments may soon be "too soon," but are not "too soon" yet.

You are old, @avclub-0c5cf32a0d6a4060b380af168158a146:disqus .

I watch nothing on nothing!

Who could possibly play Steve Jobs besides Ashton Kutcher's turtleneck-and-terrible-beard?

Yes, @avclub-f08b7ac8aa30a2a9ab34394e200e1a71:disqus ! And he could try to tell riddles, but nobody would be able to understand what he was saying!

Don't let his confusion undercut their importance.

MIDDLE-AGE HULK SMASH…