The thing I don't get is why she feels the need to explain herself to everyone she's pissed off. She's holding a facebook conference over this? Fuck that shit. If you make a bunch of people angry, just accept it and move on. Not everything has to be an event. And not everything has to be responded to in real-time,…

Lesbian cartoon characters?! OUUUUUUUUUUTRAAAAAAAGEOUS—

My second will contact your second! You do have a second, yes? And we'll have no closed-fisted shenanigans! Yes, no fisting! It is not of a gentleman's caliber!

All right. All joking aside, I think it's time we broke this new law in. Come at me, you bastards! I wanna duel someone! Who gets it first? You? You? You? Yeah, you'll do. C'mon. C'mon! I think the thing that you think is nice, is in fact not nice, and perhaps stupid as well. I'm snubbing it! Now what are…

Fool, be silent! We just had Christmas banned in Indiana, and we were going to spend all the money we're saving on hard alcohol and giggle-powder!

"You mean there's kids is talking to witches and getting all fucked up on they magic? And if I object as a parent, they can challenge me to a duel? For real?"

I remember the terrifying lows of the November election, when I huddled in front of my television, wrapped in a blanket, horrified by the results coming in, and worried that the world as I knew it could soon be destroyed.

Your kinks are many and weird, cosmic savior.

You guys! You guys! You guys! The Washington Post reports that Trump's getting obstructed for investigating, er-er-er, investigated for obstruction! There's no article on it here yet, but I have to tell somebody! I HAVE TO TELL EVERYBODY! I AM FREAKING OUT! BUT IN A GOOD WAY!

What? NO! It was added in later, I'm not wrong…I'm not wrong! No, it's the article!

Fool! Danny Elfman's meta-human identity is "Oingo Boingo", and hilarious sounding as the name is, he will tear out your throat with his metal lined teeth before laughing uproariously at your stunned children. He's one of those scary clown villains that were big in the early 90's.

Yo. How did this writeup forget to mention that Elfman also did the score for the good Spider-man movies? Elfman is the Elvis of shit nerds get angry at women for enjoying.

I thought Jeff Sessions was a racist Yoda. Y'know, but in a self-hating kind of way. (He's ashamed of being green beneath his makeup.)

I said I was sorry.

That's not wishing ill on someone, that's nature, so it's fine.

Edit*

He became Jim Belushi so gradually that none of us noticed until it was too late.

Okay, but why did he give it all to La fleur?

Dude. How long you gonna sit there in your heartache? There ain't no motive for this crime. I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier. You mean to say when you were young, you never got wild? I never.

Fuck this guy in this stupid fucking face. I hope he gets ball cancer.