Maybe Satan's dad didn't believe in him, okay? Maybe Satan's dad would come home from work down at the factory, and just plant himself in front of the TV, wearing a wife beater and sucking down a can of room temperature Coors, and ignore his family until he wanted another beer. Maybe when Satan told his dad he…

As a child, I never saw the original Star Wars until NBC broadcasted it in the summer of 1989, and had no idea it existed. Until that point, I thought there were only two movies, and I didn't understand why everyone was so angry and scared in the first one.

Ugh, your lame puns are gonna be the death star of me. Watto a horrible world. Sith when was this funny?

When stars collide, like you and I, no shaaaaadows block the sun!

Thinking of finishing the job she started in Mexico? You owe those meddling tourists a lot more than a 'thank you', y'know.

I've now googled Telekinetic Yeti, am currently blasting Stoned and Feathered on my speakers, and will give you no credit for introducing me to them. Yep. This is how the internet works.

Dick nose, do you even Human Centipede??

That sounds like a band name that would be awesome in real life, but if you heard it in a movie, you'd be like "These writers are trying too hard."

Speaking of which, when is Gorgeous ladies of wrestling coming out on Netflix? My soul is ready.

Oh my god, how did the AV club know I was in the mood to listen to a moody girl sing a few sad songs about desperately loving someone who probably wants to eat her corpse? That's what LDR does, right? Moody love songs about being cannibalized? But with an ironic flair? Hmmm, Americana and cannibalism!

That's one pretty lady who's very ugly (sunglasses)…on the inside.

Not me! Check out my podracer! It's working…It's working!

Hahaha! Fuck all of you olds, I'm thirty-five! I'll be young FOREVER! Since you'll all soon be dead anyway, let me tell you a little secret…THE PHANTOM MENACE WAS THE BEST STAR WARS! AND MY GENERATION LOVED IT! LOVED IT! EMPIRE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANY BACKFLIPS DURING ITS SABER FIGHT! HAHAHAHAHA!

One moment he's dancing with Chevy Chase for the MTV generation, the next he looks like he could play Yoda with some green spray tan.

Well, I mean, it's one thing to have a strong set of beliefs. It's another thing entirely to put your money where your mouth is.

It's not stupidity, it's living in a bubble. Everyone does it at some point, especially folks with a blue color background. If you grow up in a samey-samey neighborhood, without a whole of interaction with people who don't look/sound/think like you, you're not going to learn a lot about the real state of the world. …

Well, I mean, y'know, those trans people are basically history's greatest monsters who want to use the women's bathroom in order to abduct small children to indoctrinate them into communism or something. Were it not for brave defenders of the public good like Milo, those people would probably quietly live their lives…

Yeeeeah, Milo was indefensible. All he ever did was punch down. He was a zero empathy prick.

I don't think there's a bad guy here, just a real sharply outlined example of values dissonance. Corolla's generation grew up thinking their parents solved all that racism and sexism stuff, so there's really nothing to complain about. He's obviously completely wrong about everything, but he doesn't see it that way. …

I think Bill Burr is the only one of those performers I can stand listening to, because he'll take that anti-PC stance, sound it out with his audience, realize the potential for cringe, and then deliberately make things as uncomfortable as possible. His last netflix special was like watching someone else'…