Your choice of words just put a vision of a sweaty Jay Leno pushing Conan into the mud and telling him not to scream because he's gonna love it, before reaching ominously for his belt buckle.

Heh, let's go people watching at Wal-mart. Won't that turn out whacky!

b-but if people were honest about stealing stuff, they'd be liable.

Plural spelling! Who sent you? DID THE AVOCADOS SEND YOU?!

I told them! I told those fuckers about the avocados! Witness! Witness!

And then a police officer shoots the corpse of Patrice O'Neal three times, and finishes it with a double-tap to the head. And is immediately lionized by the Republican Party.

Conan O'Brian swiping jokes from one of Jay Leno's writers is still not as bad as Jay Leno swiping the Tonight show from Conan O'Brian.

When was there a "Girl in the Spider's web"? I thought I read them all. Wait, is this like one of those shitty Jason Bourne "sequels" that Eric Van Lustbader writes?

awww. That was adorable.

I said I was high concept! You know what? Fuck this comment section. BAD JOB, INTERNET! BAD JOB!

FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S AVOCADOS!

NO, DAMN IT! It's avocados.

No. NO. NOOO. Yer rong. It's avocados.

Don't make it weird! I was into the symbolism! I was a high concept fapper.

The idiots are probably getting them too fresh. Jeez, guacamole made from a stiff avocado is going to suck anyway.

Back in the day, I think I wore the tape out on that scene where Ash was choking Ripley with a rolled up magazine. Times were tough when you're a teenager without porn.

Real talk: Christian Rock. Why does it suck so much? Why is Christian Rock so execrable?

I feel it all. I feel it all.

YEEEEEAH! I assume.

"Dooooo yooooou realize? One daaaay you'll die!"