Why do I feel like this article is mocking Hollywood's triumphant ignorance of foreign culture? We're winning the culture wars! Where's the joy?

Well crap, now I can't defend Jeselnik's hilarious Boston Marathon tweet, while being critical of Gottfried's tasteless Tsunami joke. I'm deadlocked. You happy? You feel good about what you just did? I got nothing.

Graaah, those guys were the worst. Luke can hit a shot the size of a small basketball hoop to blow up a battle moon and commune with the dead like a satanic priest in his first outing, but Rey beating up his asthmatic nephew is the most unbelievable thing in modern cinema.

My theory on hilarious tweets is that they shouldn't be deleted if they work. This one was something Anthony Jeselnik would have been proud of.

Okay, but what she wrote was funny. Sooooooo…

Seriously though, if Luke dies and leaves Rey as the last Jedi, I'll never stop hearing that she's a Mary Sue until the day I die, and I will be a sad wookie. Also, an annoyed one.

I'm not saying I would riot if Luke dies in this movie, but I may attempt a suicide by cop with a toy pistol.

Yeah, so I googled "pussy of steel' and now I have to delete my file cache and clear my browsing history. Thanks, AV Club.

I really liked the original TNT series. As I recall, it had a pretty devoted following. It was only cancelled because the original star, Yancy Butler had some kind of rehabish problem (either booze or pills) and she wouldn't seek treatment.

One bad place, multiple neighborhoods, one architect to each neighborhood.

There's one bad place, but there are multiple neighborhoods, remember? Each architect gets their own neighborhood.

Welcome to Trumpland. This is hell and you live here.

hahahahahahahahahahaha~

Y'know, just because they can buy orphans for use in forced transfusions, doesn't mean they should.

She's young, and she's giving up a lot of relative freedom to live under a microscope. Sounds fun. Like, exactly what she signed up for. Really.

Well, you know, Donald is…uh, well you know, it's quality over quantity? When has Donald Trump ever needed the approval of strangers?

Damn you, Doctor Bigly!

He's 70, out of shape, and burning with constant murderous rage. 2016 didn't spare him, it left an IOU stickied to his front door and a missed connections notice on Craig's list.

I feel lately that the term 'apocalyptic' gets thrown around a lot, but this song does genuinely feel apocalyptic. Like, I could imagine Conquest of the four horsemen jamming to this on her march to the white house. A thousand years after I've died, preferably.

This isn't funny. How am I gonna binge on American Ninj?