He wanted Peter O'Toole, he got Bruce Willis.

Ah, The Golden Child, the first Eddie Murphy kiddie comedy, and the precise moment where the rot started in his career. Even though it had a $25 million budget and made $80 million you have to factor in the ridiculous wage demands Murphy could make in those days in relation to taking a huge cut of the movie's gross.…

But you were never in the club. Sorry, old man.

I didn't realise Tinker, Tailor hadn't opened in America yet. You're in for a treat. It's a very good film, but he's just brilliant.

Forsyth's an enjoyable hack. I like quite a lot of his earlier work, but his later super spy/assassin and Broken Britain work is atrocious. The only living British espionage writer who can hold a candle to Le Carre is Len Deighton. He's a much better cook too.

You'd be amazed by how long some of the posts are on here, Colonel. If you ever find one by Tarkovsky's Former AD you'll see what I mean. But don't under any circumstances actually read his posts, he's completely unhinged, and not in a good way.

I'm confused, Colonel. Your name and inclusion in the New Years' Honours List would suggest you're a member of the British Armed Forces, but geographically you appear to be based in America. Are you in a Florida nursing home by any chance? Anyway: Cliff. Good for the occasional laugh -he's lived with another man for…

You poor fucks in the US never got to hear Sir Cliff Richard's annual assault at the Christmas number one slot. The most joyfully abysmal of which is Mistletoe And Wine. http://www.youtube.com/watc…

I don't think he'd start copping moves from Takeshi Miike.

I think Snowtown is an excellent name for a family Christmas movie. Maybe we could spruce up the remake with a frosting of Robin Williams and Zac Efron as the main two characters.

When Pink described herself as a Rock, rather than a Pop star, it was the last nail in the coffin of Rock as a genre. It just became a word meaning "Ooh! Look at me! I'm so edgy!" for people who are anything but.

I bet you're just a gas at parties.

A bad man with teeth? Perfect casting!

Nobody's more British than the Anglo-Irish.

Alan Cumming had a clause put in every contract after Michelle And Romy that he wouldn't work with her. I don't know if he still has the clause, but from what I heard of her behaviour at the time it didn't seem that unreasonable.

Don't forget the Jews, Lobs!

They'll get players frenziedly mashing their little knobs for sure.

"Gamers reach for the Kleenex" over Zelda?

William Fichtner plays them both.

There's apparently a theory involving an actorly threesome on the boat. One that didn't involve the captain. And now he's after vengeance.