Pilots are usually atrocious. They're how we grow.

Coulson’s comment that Tahiti is a magical place now has me wondering if his resurrection was mystical in nature.

What, did he kill your smush-faced cat?

And diarrhea by dinner! - Jim Gaffigan

What, you have something against sexual predators?

Little Bart! Little Lisa! Little Marge! And the rest! [Maggie, Snowball, Santa's Little Helper, the TV]

I have to go over here now.

I am so pleased to realize this thing that never occured to me actually exists.

"The only problem is I don't have a freakin' drink in my hand."

An Occurance at Owl Creek Bridge! Who else would think to not only pay homage, but to swap out an execution for a public pool pooping? It's staggering!

Nope. Not even close. There was never any "implication." [Dennis, is that you?] Linda didn't think Todd was even of the same species.

But it's a perfectly interwebz-age complaint. The fact that all the possible outcomes, plots and threads were considered is somehow an insult.

Well now I'm annoyed Vince Gilligan said that was "polarizing." That was only polarizing if you're an idiot.

I am tired of not watching Parks and Rec.

The explanation for his weight loss was possibly even lazier!

"This is a waking nightmare. Of happiness."

"I am tired of not being married to this woman" is pure poetry, if you ask me.

Stop saying that!

I hope someone was set on fire for that blunder!

This show has a  number of flaws, but a giant whipped cream swimsuit ain't one.