Maybe if there was a walkway of some sort? Or cages like the ones that go-go dancers use.

I just pictured people perched above the band, I didn't think a trapeze would be involved. Though that is a way better idea.

If J. Hill and J. Bell in 22 Jump Street don't win for Best Fight then I will lose all faith in the MTV Movie Awards. Also surprised at the lack of noms for Mr. Turner, Timothy Spall is so hot right now.

UNPOPULAR OPINION: Patchouli Stink is my favorite Ben & Jerry's flavor

Remember when Kings of Leon had to cancel a show because pigeons were shitting all over the stage and in their mouths? That should happen with Mumford and Sons but with, like, human shit. From humans.

I had a dream last night where I met Stephen Colbert and he was the coolest, nicest guy. I told him I was a huge fan and he was just incredibly gracious, we bumped fists and it seemed like we were going to be best buds forever. Then I awoke to the sound of my cat puking right next to me and remembered that life is a…

This
album
is
dope.

I've said it before and I'll say it forever: the miracle of child birth is gross as shit.

This newswire is not nearly "cool" enough, there should be yo-yos and neon rollerblades and sideway visors. Trust me, I know what youths are into these days.

My Facebook feed is cluttered with people complaining about this sketch, though I suppose it's my own fault for sending friend requests to ISIS members.

Ugh, today is so lame. Leonard Nimoy died and a bunch of bullshit about llamas and a dress and John Travolta being creepy. February 27th, the day when God drank orange juice after brushing his teeth.

I feel like it's been ages since we've all had a Buffy vs. Angel argument. Definitely an Angel person, by the way (Also, an astronaut person)

Holy shit dude, I'm sorry. Really, I can't even imagine.

Yeah I gotta say, this February is ending on the shittiest of notes. Shape up, 2015

Hey Spock, what do ya want on your hot dog?

This was really touching, and inspired me to conduct my own interview with my dad via text message

A year, if possible.

It's an endless burden, for sure. When is there going to be a white history month? On that note, when is there going to be a straight history month and a male history month and never going to get laid history month?

hmmmmm kinda bummed they aren't anthropomorphic dogs. Nothing against tree people, just not what I expected.

Does this also mean that Xzibit isn't his real name?