Are you actually the "Chinese investor" that the article mentions? You can tell me.

Holy crap! Jeez.

Clearly we can never be BFFs.

Well sir, you are entitled to your garbage opinion for garbage people.

hahahahaha I love that man.

Wouldn't it be the greatest thing ever if HipsterDBag walked into his Wall Street job wearing a giant pair of JNCOs

That makes me feel better, but only slightly.

I realize I'm probably shitting on all my well-established cool guy cred by saying this but I actually dig the Phil Collins soundtrack for Tarzan ughhhhh (agreed about Celine though)

"Under the Sea" I get, obviously, but "Kiss the Girl"? Seriously? Over "Part of Your World"?? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

Oscar voters don't know shit. I just found out today that "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid wasn't even nominated for Best Original Song. How the fuck does that happen?

I wanted a Clue movie, but it seems Colonel Mus- wait, they made one? And it was great? Ok nvm then.

Yeah, Donald Trump picks him up in a hot air balloon and grooms him to become America's Next Top Asshole With Money

He looks like a kid who would be too embarrassed to have me as a father, whatever I was planning on ditching him in the mall parking lot anyway.

I don't know what you mean?

She will play the DUFF to Meslissa McCarthy's striking beauty.

It's fairly obvious at this point that the guy is just desperate for another ghost BJ.

Tom Hanks talking into his pen and smashing his head against the screen made me love Tom Hanks even more than I already did, an impossible feat

Being a loner in high school is great because you can be both a pariah and a goddamn superstar, am I right bros?! *high-fives locker*

Overalls + glasses + ponytail = total uggo

Rachel Leigh Cook wasn't even ugly in that movie! She just wore overalls! Overalls are sexy!