" You don't understand. We used to have class. We used to be contenders. We used to be somebody, instead of bums, which is what we are, let's face it. "

I'm gonna invest all my extra cash in Cup and Ball futures!

I hope at one point, Harry looks at the camera and says, " I am just going outside and may be some time…"

Same here. It's the price we pay for visiting this site. I just hate not knowing what things mean, and I just can't stop myself from looking up their meaning.

People at the gym who feel the need to tie up equipment by either sitting there and chatting with others, ( old people ) or sitting there playing with their Goddamned I-phones, texting or picking their next tune. I fucking hate working out, and just want get in and out of the gym as fast as I can. These inconsiderate…

That's not picking, that's sounding.

Hannity didn't say anything at all? I figure he'd at least try to slut-shame you for getting knocked up out of wedlock…

I never knew Rex Reed acted in a movie. I am glad to hear it was such a complete failure because I always hated him as a movie critic.

Did the person who asked if you could really pray the gay away joking? Or was it a question from Michelle Bachmann's husband?

He's got all the cowardice of Dewey, but he is actually a genius by comparison.

Chris Martin probably left a roadrunner smoke trail running away from this idiot.

" Hotel workers are trying to form a Union, hire Goons to break some heads. Pay $250 "

New Monopoly Rule: Once you own both Mediterranean and Baltic, you can begin the gentrification process to get their property values up.

I now know why you get out of bed six times a night to urinate.

Skynet poured massive amounts of dark money into his campaign.

" What's a Nubian? "

I could not believe how much money this guy was making off his show.

HOO-AH!

THE AV CLUB
Everybody here is just really freaking classy

" I got bean-bagged."
" Ho-Ho! "
" I got shot with a bean-bag Pam!"