Just in time for the holidays, 2015, "Martin Scorsese's Granddaughter's Christmas Pageant"

You were stuck in your button-down plastic-fantastic Madison Avenue scene.

SOME movies are not TV shows.

I hope you can still carry your gun into a Florida Toys R Us.

Our laws are more designed to keep black people from voting.

We've sealed our borders to keep out immigrants and Ebola and keep in Simpsons World.

Don't make them run, they are full of chocolate.

It's like rain on your wedding day.

DID YOU KNOW your baby had a heartbeat 10 seconds after conception?

Where do we keep the Liquid Smoke?

We did it, baby! Woo!

I shouldn't be forced to explain these figures to my kids, or interact with them in any other way.

That cat was a final gift from his dying wife.

The header photo is actually from Ripley's Believe it or Not.

You stupid monkey!

What's Bryan Adams' superpower going to be?

Straining Tiger, Bloody Dragon

The problem is your salary as organ grinder was only 50 cents a week, and that's before you paid the monkey.

the guy behind me at Wolf of Wall Street ate popcorn with his mouth open for three straight hours with no break.

"that just looks like a picture taken in front of a Walmart on Black Friday" aka Hell on Earth