Events have definitely slowed to a crawl.

They will never produce a juicy tell-all backstabbing memoir that way.

And Margie's husband in Fargo. I wouldn't have believed he could be so menacing in Zodiac but he was really good.

I wish all these reporters would stop busting into his writing room, dragging him away from his computer, and forcing him to submit to interviews about boobs and weenies.

Oh I see. ALL Mexicans are drug dealers, is that right Mustardayonnaise? **rides off on high horse**

"Don't worry about it boy, people die all the time! Why you could wake up dead tomorrow. Welp, good night!"

Maybe not but they clearly have the equivalent mental health of a hermit.

Statistically speaking black people have similar driving habits to white people.

Jenny McCarthy has advocated against vaccinations. She's written books with whole chapters about it. She's done a lot of damage.

I know you are but what am I?

Also I'm sure some of you aren't morbidly obese.

Being defended on the internet by someone named Bonertime.

They are all way too happy in that photo for me to believe they're at a wedding.

I think he meant to say IF he had a wife, he wouldn't let her snack in front of the TV.

Yes, Michigan! The Feeling's Forever

Bugger off, then, innit?

I believe everything our AV Club overlords tell us.

Carrell is this century's Dean Jones.

Taking improv classes was a perfect character trait for Michael Scott.

No one would watch that show.