@Tom:

We came close when the campus conservative rag printed an anti-affirmative action Christmas carol called "Oh come all ye black folk" which bordered on hate speech. The story only made it as far as local newscasts.

Tufts represent!
Shoot, we finally get in the national news and it's for THIS. Oh, well. Take what you can get.

CONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

Frito, I thought of the Yankees as big-contract givers to assholes and could not, for the life of me think of someone doing what you describe in recent years.

To paraphrase my earlier comment, that's the joke, right? Brett is supposed to be a boastful virgin making shit up, so he uses a term that does not apply. It's funny! The kids love it! It's got a beat and I can dance to it!

It will be better than "Valentine's Day," so that's something.

Doctor, that's the JOKE! Geddit, 'cause Ratner's a virgin, so he uses terms that don't apply, because he doesn't get it? Come on, Amelie's knowledge of trombones both rusty and sound is unimpeachable.

It's a magnificent madlib!!
-OCCUPATION- -NAME- lost -HIS/HER- virginity to a -NOUN- dangling from a -NOUN- - and now -HE/SHE- has turned the sexual encounter into a -NOUN-, in -HIS/HER- latest -NOUN-, -TITLE-!

T2kers

That's why they're making movies, to expand the fanbase to the illiterate. Maybe the next tween-sation will cut out the book step altogether, or only use it in such limited test markets as Omaha and Providence, home of the KFC DoubleDown (TM).

I'll make sure, when I crank out my supremely influential piece of fiction, to set it in the depressing tourist trap where I actually live. Then, I'll be able to sell knick-knacks without moving BASED ON MY OWN BOOK!

HAIKU DEFENSE!!!

I heard that steroids weren't the only kind of INJECTION that Andy Pettite was giving A-Rod up there in… bagel… town(?)

And he can swim upstream to spawn with our young heroine and then die, which would tie in with the whole "one and done, procreation sex only" thing… but they'd have to have an aquatic wedding on the streambed first. And an aquatic prom, because you've GOTTA have a prom, right?

2wilight?

I've been using Twilight 2: Twilight Harder and Twilight 3 With a Vengeance for a while now, but I might have to adopt 2 Twi 2 Light.

Please print Twilight logos on REAL LIBERIAN LEGAL TENDER. Oh, and if a few Jacko-hair diamonds get involved, I wouldn't say no.

Always designate a driver mermaid? I could make mermaids edgy the way Twilight made vampires wimpy.

… I actually watched the Eragon rifftrax. I grew up with seasons 8, 9 and 10 of MST3k on every Saturday morning, so Rifftrax is like nectar for my parched soul.