“Well I had a cellphone, Xan. Obvs. But I lost it. At the zoo. A monkey took it and she wouldn't give it back. Yeah, Xan. The monkey was a woman. Women can be anything these days.”

You know, who among us is a perfect foot slut?

“I’m not running a charity here. Except the one where I donate my old towels to poor people with the same initials as me.”

The callback to that joke was equally great.

Five episodes in and I absolutely adore this show already. Surprised the pilot got an A, because I thought it was the least funny of the first five. Jane Krakowski is basically playing Jenna Maroney on Xanax and I'm MORE than OK with it.

The bed shitting during sex scene in the pilot is a loving nod to Idiotking.

I've already seen the whole season, so I will refrain from spoilers. I will say that right off the bat this season felt like a completely different series in some respects, yet it still had the beautiful cinematography and that "should be annoying but is actually kind of great" score.

I'm just so frustrated and annoyed. Things just don't seem to be going my way at all.

Found out this morning that the database I was building on for my internship was pretty much for nothing, because we couldn't get access to the actual data. It was only a few hours of work but it's frustrating. If they don't have another project for me to work on, I may be out of an internship that I need to graduate.…

Did your doctor give a specific medical reason as to why you can't have sex? I honestly can't think of one (though I'm far from a professional at this point), other than changes in hormones and continued thickening of the uterine wall during the early stages of pregnancy… but that shouldn't stop someone from sex.…

That seems unrealistic.

Ah yes! Sex. Do you have any advice as to how a "man" could have this "sex" you speak of?

More men need to have violent, uncontrollable seizures while having sex. That should take care of the vibration problem.

If I learned anything from my physiology lectures, it's that hormones are real assholes.

The medical school threw a masquerade themed prom for all the wonderful students (who are technically a part of the medical school). They gave everyone six drink tickets as a way for controlling alcohol consumption and so the ridiculously nice hotel that hosted didn't get too trashed. So, naturally I forgot to eat…

These kind of situations are always tough, even if you weren't super close to the person that died. Grief is natural, even if it's unexpected.

An international study of over 15,000 penises found that the average penis size is 5.16 inches when erect. As a gay male student getting his MPH in epidemiology, WHY THE FUCK WAS I NOT A RESEARCH ASSISTANT ON THIS?!?! I could have provided so much…insight? I would have analyzed that data with glee….

There was so much runway this episode that it started to feel repetitive. Absolutely hated Candy and Violet. Pearl will hopefully be leaving soon. She is super hot out of drag but she has the personality of a dead fish.

I have yet to watch Breaking Bad and this (I promise I will eventually)

I got completely obliterated at the masquerade themed formal the medical school threw saturday night. I somehow made it home without a hangover but I did manage to puke in my sink. I then spent the entire day in the library doing work and now I'm back in this god forsaken school trying to get more work done. Does the…