The time Beatrix Kiddo 9000 almost gave himself HIV

Don't even get me started with The Imitation Game. Perfectly adequate movie. It just should have been so much MORE. Also, not gay enough. There. I said it. I think that's why the academy is going gaga for it. "It's got a gay dude and we don't have to watch him have sex! What could be better?!"

There were some choices that DuVernay made that I wasn't particularly fond of (specifically the use of slo-mo) but if the Academy is going to reward Morten Tyldum for The Imitation Game DuVernay should definitely have been in the mix.

I really hope Boyhood can win it. It's quickly becoming one of my favorite movies ever. Just so well done.

Personally, I think the ending to The Birds is just brilliant. Completely bleak, and providing no rationality to the birds.

I'm seriously concerned that American Sniper or The Imitation Game will win Best Picture. I know it's not supposed to matter, and it's just an award show. but what wins Best Picture helps influence what studios will finance and produce. With American Sniper making so much money at the box office, I'm quickly losing…

The most frustrating thing about United States of Tara is that its last season was the best and there were SO many more great stories that could have been told. I just wish Showtime gave it a chance. Toni Colette, Brie Larson, Rosemarie DeWitt? What a fucking phenomenal cast.

At least someone found you attractive enough to want to go home with you! I can't convince anyone to even consider me attractive.

Hello everyone! I'm currently highly intoxicated. I attended a party tonight where I was the token gay. This involved having several conversations where I had to explain to people "yes, sometimes people will just call me a [insert homophobic slur] for no reason. Homophobic people do exist. Isn't life grand?" So…

They care about people in their 40s too. People in their 40's are having mid-life crises and realizing that their wife is probably cheating on them with Jerry from the office, so you watch Brooklyn 9-9 because you figure that's something Jerry would watch, and if Jerry is good enough for your wife maybe you are too.

A lot of things are worth watching just for Taraji P. Henson.

Seriously, what happened to Family Guy? The original run isn't anything revolutionary but it's pretty damn funny.

Oh yeah. I saw the Family Guy episode when I was 11 and didn't understand the joke at all. Then when I sat down to watch the movie six years later, my brain was like "remember that random two second joke?!?!"

Sorry, I should have said spoiled Citizen Kane's ending. Not the movie. I love it and it has some of my favorite cinematography ever. I was just mad that I never got to experience that full shock/awe of finally discovering what Rosebud is after the journey, that's all.

I still haven't forgiven Family Guy for spoiling Citizen Kane for me. Stupid Family Guy.

I crysturbate at home everyday, I want some variety in my life.

If you want to know how abysmally sad my life is, go to Savage Love, or run into me on the streets. Is it really the worst thing in the world if I make a conscious decision to see a movie? Even if part of the allure is to see how hilariously bad it is? I also genuinely like Jamie Dornan, he's fantastic in "The Fall"…

Stop quoting my mother

Are you telling me I have to take out my butt plug BEFORE I go to the theater?

Can I bring my fleshlight too?